1. (Because boring thesis statements are bad for everyone involved) THESIS SENTENCE STRENGTHENING

2. School start times should be moved back to 8:00 because high school students need more sleep than grade school students, the grades students get in high school affect their college decisions, and it disrupts extra- curricular schedules. HERE IS AN OK THESIS STATEMENT

3.  It gives a clear outline for what the writer will argue in the essay – the three points are right there at the end.  The argument itself is clear from the first part of the statement; the position is never in doubt.  The statement follows a good parallel structure School start times should be moved back to 8:00 because high school students need more sleep than grade school students, the grades students get in high school affect their college decisions, and it disrupts extra-curricular schedules. WHAT DOES THE THESIS DO WELL?

4.  The “because” hinge is useful but not especially artful  Listing out the three main reasons (in this case, 1. Sleep; 2. Grades; and 3. Extra-Curriculars) is clear, but it doesn’t show much nuance and weights every element equally. School start times should be moved back to 8:00 because high school students need more sleep than grade school students, the grades students get in high school affect their college decisions, and it disrupts extra-curricular schedules. SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT?

5.  A complex thesis needs a complex sentence – consider opening with a dependent Clause (a group of words with a subject and verb but that cannot stand on it’s own).  Subordinating conjunctions start off dependent clauses – words like ‘while,’ ‘despite,’ ‘although’ and ‘though’ are good examples.  Consider the opposition – are there good points to give thought to? Can you show that you have considered both sides through a well-crafted thesis?  End with strength – if you end your thesis with you main argument or position, it will make a bit more sense since you have already outlined your support. HOW DO WE FIX IT?

6. Although it may be argued that middle school students need as much sleep as high school students, the fact that high school students are dealing with college decisions and extra-curricular activities makes it clear that they need the later start time more. Compare that to what we had earlier: School start times should be moved back to 8:00 because high school students need more sleep than grade school students, the grades students get in high school affect their college decisions, and it disrupts extra-curricular schedules. HERE IS AN IMPROVED THESIS

7.  Look again at your own thesis; how can it be improved?  Are your main points clearly stated?  Does it include a subordinate clause? Some good sentence starters (subordinating conjunctions) GIVE IT A TRY After Although As As if Because Before How If In order that Since Though Unless Whenever Where Wherever While