1. Craig Runde and Dr. Debra Dupree

2.  Connect before you correct…interject!  You have 6 minutes to connect in a group of THREE.  Exchange THREE things about each person in 2 minutes per person  When it comes. to managing conflict with your clients, what are you good at and what are you not so good at?  What is your biggest challenge when clients become emotionally triggered?  What is YOUR goal, or one takeaway, for attending this program today? October 2012 2 ACTIVITY Relationships At Work - Wakeland Housing Corporation

3.  Individual Conflict Competence - the ability to use cognitive, emotional, and behavioral skills that enhance the productive outcomes of conflict while reducing the likelihood of escalation or harm  Organizational Conflict Competence – creating cultures and systems that support use of individual conflict competence

4. Understanding conflict dynamics Enhancing self-awareness Regulating emotions Reflecting on conflict Improving behavioral responses to conflict

5.  Understanding how you respond to workplace conflict  Recognizing what triggers conflict for you  Developing an action plan for personal improvement

6.  Emotional Self-Regulation ◦ Recognition of somatic responses to conflict ◦ Developing a personal plan of regulating emotion during conflict – different approaches ◦ Creating a plan for slowing down when emotions run too high

7.  Help people understand physical responses to conflict emotions  Standing exercise  Breathing exercise

9.  Why people behave the way they do Understanding DIFFICULT CLIENTS

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11. AngerFear GladnessShame Basic Emotions

12. 1. Guilt 2. Taking life too seriously 3. Feeling pressured 4. Worrying 5. Lack of confidence 6. Not saying “no” 7. Letting people get you down

13. Controlling emotions Bias / Attitude Fear Body language

14. Self Awareness Social Awareness Self- Management Relationship Management

15. March '12 OC Mediation Conference 2012 High Conflict Behaviors  Rigid & Uncompromising  Difficulty accepting loss  Difficulty healing from loss  Emotions dominate thinking  Inability to reflect on own behavior  Difficulty empathizing with others  Preoccupied with blaming others  Avoids responsibility for the problem or the solution  Depends on others to solve problems

16. March '12 OC Mediation Conference 2012 What drives our BEHAVIOR? o Fear of being wrong…being ignored o Fear of losing…being inferior o Fear of not being liked…being abandoned o Fear of emotional discomfort… being dominated

17. Lack of adaptation Why they are the way they are How they contribute to their own problems Or, how to change Aaron Beck (1990), Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders Behavior becomes rigidly patterned Social impairment evolves Rigid behavior evokes responses from others that “validate” their inflexible beliefs Efrain Bleiberg (2001), Treating Personality Disorders in Children & Adolescents March '12 OC Mediation Conference 2012 Lack of self-awareness

18. How do we get to this? Listen for the sounds of the BEACH Relationships At Work, Inc. 18

19.  Develop at least one technique for addressing how to regulate emotions in conflict situations in the moment ◦ Attentional Deployment ◦ Reappraisal  Build resilience to negative emotions by cultivating positivity  Avoid emotional hangovers…it takes 5 positives to counteract 1 negative

20.  Developing a plan before conflict occurs again that will help you delay responses until emotional balance is regained ◦ Coffee break ◦ Restroom break ◦ Straight forward request ◦ Plan for the conversation…deliver with structure  Don’t wait until you are already in a heated conflict – too hard at that point

21.  Engage Constructively by Increasing Use of Conflictive Responses ◦ Understand current constructive behaviors tendencies ◦ Generally emphasize development of: reaching out, listening for understanding, perspective taking, expressing thoughts and feelings, and creating and vetting solutions

22.  Reaching Out  Listening for Understanding and Perspective Taking  Expressing Thoughts and Feelings  Creating and Vetting Solutions

23. A ConversationAbout a Conversation 1)Invite the Other into a Conversation about having a Conversation later. Address The Facts First 2)Explore The Impact / Emotion the situation has on each of you 3)Summarize What Is Important Or Of Value To Those Involved And To The Organization 4)Reaching Agreement on How Do We Move Forward?

24.  What will you commit to doing differently?  What will you continue to do because it’s effective?  What will you stop doing because it doesn’t work or get you where you want to go?

25. Dr. Debra DupreeCraig Runde  Dr. Debra Dupree is President and Founder of Relationships-at-Work, Inc. She provides business mediation and leadership development services to create solutions for the workplace that strengthen performance and increase profitability by reducing conflict. Her focus includes emotional intelligence, leadership development, presentation and persuasion strategies, and performance management. Debra’s clients range from technology to finance, from law to military, and from education to utilities. She works with the up and coming, management-challenged, motivated to achieve, and the CEO desiring to improve influence and profitability. Debra’s 2014 Doctoral Dissertation addressed the Psychology of Good Bosses versus Bad Bosses, looking at the neuroscience of behavior and leadership styles. Her first book, in progress, addresses the physiological aspects of emotional behavior behind every decision-making process. Her articles are featured on Innovative Thought and frequently interviewed on programs through ESPN and Radio Reflections. She is currently affiliated with Brandman University and Ryokan College as an Adjunct Professor and previously taught at National University and California Western School of Law in Dispute Resolution (Negotiation, Mediation & Arbitration).  Craig E. Runde is Director of the Center for Conflict Dynamics. He oversees product development and training programs, and alliances. Craig is the coauthor of Building Conflict Competent Teams (Jossey-Bass, 2008), Developing Your Conflict Competence (Jossey-Bass, 2010), and Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader - Second Edition (Jossey-Bass,2012). He is a frequent speaker and commentator on workplace conflict issues and a member of the editorial board of the Journal of Conflict Management. Before joining Eckerd College, he was the director of the International Center for Computer Enhanced Learning at Wake Forest University. Craig received his B.A. from Harvard University, M.L.L. from the University of Denver, and J.D. from Duke University. He has practiced law in Colorado and has taught at the University of Minnesota Law School and Wake Forest University.