1. Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. The Stages of Interpersonal Relationships

2. Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. Contact  Exchange basic information  Initiate interaction  Engage in invitational communication  First four minutes

3. Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. Involvement  Develop sense of mutuality, of being connected  Testing  Evaluate your initial judgment  Asking questions

4. Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. Intimacy  Further commitment to the other person  Establish a relationship in which this individual becomes your best or closest friend, lover, or companion

5. Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. Deterioration  Withdrawal  Decline in self-disclosure  Deception  Negative versus positive messages

6. Copyright ©2011, 2008, 2005 Pearson Education, Inc. All rights reserved. Repair  Analyze what went wrong and consider ways of solving your relational difficulties  Cutting the bonds that tie you together Dissolution

7. Attraction  We “should” judge people on how they act, but appearance is important in early stages!  Do you agree with the authors’ statement, “We view the familiar as beautiful”?  We are drawn to people who represent the most average qualities of ourselves and those people we know.  Ordinary-looking people with pleasing personalities are likely to be judged as attractive. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

8. Similarity  Similarity thesis: Similar likes, economic class, educational standing, values.  Similarities are validating.  Enable fairly accurate predictions.  We assume similar people will like us. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

9. Complimentarity  Differences strengthen a relationship when each partner’s characteristics satisfy the other’s needs.  Research:  Couples studied over a 20- year period: Partners find radical differences intriguing, but then cause relational breakups.  Successful couples find ways to balance similarities and differences over the years. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

10. Competency  We hope others’ skills and abilities will rub off on us.  We don’t like people who are too competent.  We like people somewhat flawed because we are reminded of ourselves! Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

11. Proximity  We develop relationships with people with whom we interact frequently—even in cyberspace.  Proximity enables more information about others and benefit from relationships with them. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

12. Disclosure  Telling important information about ourselves breeds liking based on respect and trust.  Reciprocity is key: We like to get back an amount and kind of information equivalent to that which we reveal.  Timing is important: Information should be appropriate to the stage of the relationship and the setting. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

13. Intimacy  Closeness makes us healthier and happier.  Type of intimacy:  Emotional  Physical  Intellectual  Shared activities  Not all relationships have all four qualities.  Not all relationships operate at the highest level of intimacy. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

14. Computer-Mediated Communication and Intimacy  Why can relational intimacy develop more quickly through CMC than in FtF interactions? Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

15. The Limits of Intimacy  Research:  Most people want four to six close, important relationships in their lives at any given time.  Obsession with intimacy can lead to less satisfying relationships.  There are benefits to polite, “superficial” communication. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

16. Commitment  Relational commitment involves a promise, implied or explicit, to remain in a relationship and make that relationship successful.  Commitment: Formed and reinforced through communication.  Behaviors are important, but without language, commitment may not be clear. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

17. Limits of Developmental Models  Communication ebbs and flows in relationships.  Progression does not always flow in a predictable manner.  Knapp’s model: A relationship exhibits only the most dominant traits of just one of the 10 stages at any given time, but elements of other stages are usually present.  Relationships can “come together” and “come apart” at the same time. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

18. Consider this…  “Communication involved in maintaining relationships may not always be exciting, but handling it effectively accounts for as much as 80% of the difference between satisfying and unsatisfying relationships.” Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

19. Content and Relational Messages  Every message, verbal and nonverbal, has a second relational dimension which makes statements about how communicators feel toward one another.  We are unaware of the relational messages that bombard us every day. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

20. Expression of Relational Messages  How could you act while saying, “Can you help me for a minute?” while communicating the following relationships:  Superiority  Helplessness  Friendliness  Sexual desire  Irritation  Aloofness Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

21. Relational Maintenance Strategies  Stafford and Canary: Five strategies for maintaining romantic relationships: 1. Positivity 2. Openness 3. Assurances 4. Sharing tasks 5. Social networks Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

22. Repairing Damaged Relationships  The strongest relationships hit a bumpy patch.  Relational transgressions: When one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

23. Strategies for Relational Repair  Talk about the violation.  Send clear, assertive “I- messages”  Ask questions and listen nondefensively to the answers  Apologize in three parts:  Acknowledge that the transgression was wrong  Sincerely apologize  Discuss compensation, “I’ll never do that again.”  Nonverbal behavior must match words. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.

24. Forgiving Transgressions  Research:  Transgressors who are forgiven are less likely to repeat their offenses.  Recall times that you have needed others’ forgiveness.  Try nonverbal behaviors, as well as discussion. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.