2. Ministerial Confidentiality "...a time to keep silence, and a time to speak" - Solomon (Eccl. 3:7b). I. What are some typical confidentiality dilemmas that the pastor faces? How do you answer a person who says: A. “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to tell another soul?”

3. B. “Please don’t tell my parents, but I am pregnant?” C. “No one knows this and I want you to promise that this information will never leave this room…I plan to get an abortion.” D. “Pastor, I know I can trust you not to say anything to anyone about this but I got drunk and while driving I hit and killed someone and drove off.”

4. E. “Pastor, I came to you in confidence and I know that you will not divulge any of this information to anyone. I am having an affair with my boss at work” The subject of confidentiality has two sides and as pastors and leaders we must be challenged in two separate but equally important ways. Ecclesiastes 7:7 summarizes this tension with the words, “there is a time to keep silent, and a time to speak.”

5. II. Confidentiality is a pastoral requirement. A pastor must be trustworthy, reliable and loyal to the people just as he wants them to be to him. A. What does the word “confidential” mean? 1. The word itself means: a. Having secret or private relations; trusted; intimate.

6. b. Imparted in confidence; secret. c. Disposed to confide in another. d. In government functions, it connotes the idea of classified or “top secret” information. It comes from a Latin word meaning “with faith”.

7. 2. What are some related words? a. Confident b. Confidence

8. B. What is our Christian duty when it comes to the issue of confidentiality? All of our relationships should be governed by three scriptural laws relating to relationships. 1. It is my Christian duty to practice the three laws of relationship. a. The law of love (Jam. 2:8; I Cor. 13:8; Phil. 2:3-4; Pro. 10:12; 17:9)

9. b. The law of faithfulness (III John 5; I Tim. 3:11; Pro. 11:13) c. The law of edification (Eph. 4:29-30; I Cor. 14:12)

10. 2. It is my Christian duty to avoid all seven sins of the tongue (Jam. 3:1-2). a. Talebearing or telling others those things that were told to him in trust and confidence (Pro. 18:8; 20:19; 26:20, 22; 16:28; Lev. 19:16). b. Backbiting or speaking evil of a person in their absence (Pro. 25:23; II Cor. 12:20; Rom. 1:30).

11. c. Gossip or speaking idly or with evil intent of the affairs of others (Rom. 1:29; II Cor. 2:20; I Tim. 5:13; Deut. 5:20). d. Whispering or speaking secretly of others to one individual at a time in a plotting manner (Pro. 16:28; Rom. 1:29; II Cor. 2:20).

12. e. Bitterness or speaking to others about someone else in a manner which denotes inward feelings of anger, hurt, indignation or repulsion (Eph. 4:31). f. Course Jesting or speaking of serious matters in a light and frivolous way (Eph. 5:4).

13. g. Slander or speaking falsehoods or misrepresentations which have the effect of damaging another person’s reputation (Ps. 101:5; Col. 3:8; I Pet. 2:1). Note: All of this is the minimum expected of us as Christians.

14. 3. How do we apply these mandates simply as Christians? If we are going to exercise our Christian duty, it has to put certain cautions into us. a. Watch what you share with your spouse and other leaders concerning matters of counsel. b. Be careful at home especially in front of the children not to discuss the problems of the people.

15. c. Do not repeat stories of the failures of pastors or others especially when you do not have all of the facts (Ex. 23:1). d. Do not allow request for prayer to become a cover for gossip. e. Do not use your people and their problems in joking with other ministers.

16. C. Beyond our duty as a Christian, what is our professional duty as a pastor or church leader (Proverbs 25:9-10)? 1. It is my pastoral duty to observe three basic commitments at all times. a. A commitment to the flock (John 10:1-18). b. A commitment to the Lord (Hebrews 13:20).

17. c. A commitment to your office (Acts 20:28)

18. 2. It is my pastoral duty to act as a professional and to help people make it easy to place confidence in their spiritual leaders. a. Make sure your counseling office is sound proof. b. Make sure your waiting area is not the center of traffic flow. c. Keep counseling notes under lock and key.

19. d. Avoid using specific cases in sermon illustrations. e. Ask permission to share with other professionals for your own outside advice and counsel.

20. III. What are the limits, if any, to confidentiality? A. What about the myth of the “Confession Booth”? The process of justice is not more important than justice itself. In the Bible, there were times that you were not to be silent but you were to give testimony concerning what was happening.

21. 1. When someone was planning on apostatizing (Deut. 13:6-18, esp. vs. 6-8). 2. When someone had committed murder (Ex. 21:12-14). 3. When you knew the facts concerning other crimes that had been committed (Lev. 5:1).

22. B. What are the biblical issues that limit confidentiality? 1. The Issue of Repentance and Reconciliation Matthew 18:15-10 makes it clear that in the process of reconciliation it is sometimes necessary to include others. This process actually requires exposing the matter to a broader and broader group of people.

23. 2. The Issue of Authority We can end up trying to be so loyal to a person that we actually become disloyal to God and His word or disloyal to the other people who are involved in this matter (i.e. parents, family, employers, civil authorities, etc.).

24. 3. The Issue of Exposing versus Covering a. We must be committed to cover sin that has been properly dealt with (Jam. 5:19-20; Ps. 32:1, 5-6; 85:2; Pro. 28:13; Job 31:33). b. Sin that is hidden without being dealt with is to be exposed (Mt.18: Eph. 5:11).

25. C. What are the basic biblical guidelines that should govern ministerial confidentiality? 1. Only offer limited confidentiality based on trust. 2. Do not seek to know more than you need to know (Pro. 17:4). 3. Encourage the person to report to his or her authorities. 4. Become a pastor that is known for having sealed lips.