1. Co-Worker Communication: Handling Disagreements at Work
Presented by:
LifeMatters®

2. Anyone Here Who’s Never Experienced Conflict?
Each of us experiences innumerable miscommunications and conflicts in the course of our lives that affect us deeply and daily
It’s impossible to grow up in a family, live in a neighborhood, attend school, work at a job, be in an intimate relationship, raise kids, or participate in the world without experiencing conflicts of some sort
Most are avoidable or unnecessary – due to miscommunication, irrelevant differences, unclear roles, responsibilities, expectations

3. Today Conflict assessment Recognizing triggers
Communication strategies
Tips for resolving Disagreements

4. Introductions Name / Title What you’d like to leave here with today
What pops into your mind when you hear the word ‘conflict’?

5. Common Responses to the word “Conflict”
Disagreements
Fighting
Fearful/Scary
Hurt feelings
Avoid at all costs
Arguing / Yelling
Defensive
Hard to handle
Not worth it
~ Not very positive ~

6. Understanding Conflict Resolution: True or False
Conflict is always a bad thing
Usually a symptom, not a problem
Signal to take action
Can increase creativity, team rapport
Conflict is Win-Lose
Mistakenly viewed as contest of wills
Can make it worse
Only difficult people cause conflicts
Most are productive, dedicated employees
Need adequate approaches
Conflict left alone will resolve itself
Early intervention is key
Will expand if not addressed

7. Why Are We Talking About This?
85% of US employees experience conflict at work, and spend 2+ hours a week dealing with it
25% of employees say avoiding conflict results in sickness and absence
60-80% of all difficulties in organizations stem from strained relationships between employees, not from deficits in individual employee’s skill or motivation
Typical manager spends 25-40% of their time dealing with workplace conflicts… that’s one to two days of every work week
75% of employees report positive outcomes from conflict, that would not have been realized without the conflict
Daniel Dana, Managing Differences: How to Build Better Relationships at Work and Home (2005, 4th ed.); Barbara J. Kreisman, Insights into Employee Motivation, Commitment and Retention (2002).
Washington Business Journal, May 2005

8. What Are the Main Causes of Disagreement at Work?
Personality clashes
Stress
Excessive workloads
Differences in beliefs/values
Lack of communication
Resistance/fear of change
Substandard performance
Confusion with responsibility, authority
Misunderstandings
Inconsistency

9. Understanding Conflict Resolution
Inevitable, normal and healthy
Each person has equally valid needs
Must be solved together
Too much conflict you have aggression… too little you have stagnation

10. How Do You Handle Disagreements? (pg 1)

11. What behaviors might indicate someone is feeling defensive?

12. Defense Strategies (pg 4)
Discounting
Withdrawal
Threats
Blaming
Belittling
“Guilt trips”
Derailing
Punishing

13. Tips for Eliminating Defensive Behavior
Watch your “cues”
Acknowledge triggers
Take the high road
Admit when you’re wrong

14. Handling Disagreements (pg 5)
Avoid judgments
Use “I” statements
Focus on present
Avoid negative comparisons
Describe your feelings
Be clear, honest, direct
Avoid sarcasm or humor
Practice active listening
Use ‘whole’ messages

15. Using “I” Statements “I feel…” “I think…” “I need…” “I’d like…”
“I’d appreciate…”

16. Using “I” Statements
You Statement: “You’re always late for our meetings. You’d better be on time for the next one.” I Statement: “It’s important that we keep to our schedule. I would really appreciate your arriving on time.”

17. Lose the Blame
You statement: “You never get your work done on time. I’m tired of having to do everything for you.”
I Statement: “I feel frustrated when I have to finish both parts of the report. How can we make this work for both of us?”

18. Lose the Blame
You statement: “You’re expecting too much! There would have to be two of me to get all this done.”
I Statement: “I’m feeling overwhelmed with my current workload. I have some ideas on how we might be able to streamline the process. When would be a good time to talk?”

19. How Do You Know When Someone Is REALLY Listening?

20. Active Listening (pg 6) Encourage Clarify Restate Reflect Summarize
Validate

21. Communicating Using Whole Messages ((pg 7) At the core of all anger is a need that isn’t being met…discover the need – not being heard, feeling unvalued, being treated unfairly, misunderstood

22. Calm, Cool, Collected… What Gets In Your Way?

23. Take A Break Step back Breathe
Respond with reflection vs react from instinct
Your choice paves the path for dialogue or rebuttal

24. How Do We Contribute to Conflicts?
You observe the situation through your own personal filter
You tell yourself a story about what’s happening
The story creates some strong & often irrational emotions
You take actions based on the emotions you’re feeling
The other person reacts and tells themselves a story…

25. Preventing Conflicts
Realize you’re telling a story – it is not the truth
You create your own emotions – you make yourself upset
Identify and manage emotions – express them rationally
Pause…act like the “Ideal You”
Use I statements
Ask good questions – listen and summarize
Clarify your intention:
What do you want to happen
What do you NOT want to happen
What would you like in terms of the relationship with this person
Are you acting in a way that will accomplish this

26. In Summary Build good relationships before conflict occurs
Don’t let small problems escalate
Respect differences
Listen to other’s perspectives
Acknowledge feelings before focusing on facts
Focus on solving problems, not changing people
Pause - consider the intent and consequences of your words
If you can’t resolve the disagreement, ask for help

27. “Listen to learn … not to respond
“Listen to learn … not to respond.” “Seek first to understand, before being understood.”

28. Using LifeMatters® 1-800-634-6433 ~ mylifematters.com Jennifer Dean
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