1. Listening That Matters Nancy Grabe, M.S.W., Marietta City Parent Mentor Renee Davis, M.S.W., Douglas County Parent Mentor

2. Let’s Not FALL Fix Analyze Lecture Leave  Used with permission… From Hurt to Hope, Farrar Moore with Sheryl Cook and Betty Plank, Caring Resources, Nashville, TN, 2009.

3. Let’s LIVE Listen Identify Validate Evaluate  Used with permission… From Hurt to Hope, Farrar Moore with Sheryl Cook and Betty Plank, Caring Resources, Nashville, TN, 2009.

4. Listen How do we really listen to someone? Active Listening

5. Pay Attention  Give your undivided attention  Stay focused  Think about what the person is saying, not what you are going to say

6. Active Listening Signal That You Are Listening  Eye contact  Body language  Verbally

7. Active Listening Reflect  It sounds like you are saying…  I’m hearing you say…  What you are saying is…

8. Active Listening Let the Person Finish Talking  Avoid interrupting  Listening pauses are okay  Give the person time to think

9. Active Listening Give Appropriate Responses  Be respectful  Avoid “shoulds”  The Golden Rule

10. Active Listening Key to Success  Practice

11. Identify Identify with the Person  Show empathy  You must have felt…  You sound upset…

12. Identify Identify the Issue  Why did they call?  What is the focus?  Help them figure out what they need

13. Identify Phrases to Avoid  I know how you feel…  If I were you I would…

14. Validate Validate the Person & the Emotion  What the person is feeling is real  We are not saying the person is right  Feel, Felt, Found

15. Validate Phrases to Avoid  You should or shouldn’t feel…  Absolutes  Nevers

16. Evaluate At the End of the Conversation  Give feedback  Provide a summary  Discuss action plan and responsibilities

17. Listening Situations  Parent Meeting  Phone  Group

18. Important  Confidentiality  Take notes with permission  Ask meaningful questions  Be careful of pitfall questions

19. When a Person Asks… What should I do?  If you tell someone what to do, there is no motivation for the person to follow through  Instead, present options Don’t you think that was…?  Instead of giving your opinion, identify and validate

20. Remember…  You cannot change or control someone else  All problems are best solved in community  Most of the time people know the answer…they just need someone to listen as they talk through it  Leave the drama on the stage