1. Caring for Aging Parents Jeremy B. Yorgason, PhD, School of Family Life BYU Wellness, Winter 2008

2. Caregiving How many of you currently provide care for an aging parent? How many of you currently provide care for both aging parents and children in the home? How many of you have provided care for a parent in the past? How many of you are here in anticipation of things to come?

3. Objectives Raise common concerns Provide some brief answers Provide some resources where you can find more direct and complete answers to your specific situations

4. Caring for Aging Parents: Examples Savior to Peter on the cross –Caring for a loved one Nephi, Sam, Jacob, Joseph, Laman, Lemuel – caring for Lehi and Sariah –2 nd generation behavior affecting the health of the 1 st generation Ruth and Naomi –Loyalty

5. The maturing of parent/adult child relationships Parent/Child relationships maturing Role changes Life coming full circle

6. The maturing of parent/adult child relationships When caregiving starts… Encourage a healthy balance between autonomy and dependence Allow parents to give

7. Talking about aging concerns Bring up the hypothetical – “What would you want if…” Frame this in your parent’s best interest. Research: Concern, Urging, Action Difficult decisions often follow crises or are based on safety issues (driving, moving residence, increased level of care)

8. Caregiving Health care –www.careutah.com (see Geriatric health care providers)www.careutah.com Primary caregivers, secondary caregivers, long distance caregiving (working?) In home, in assisted living facility, nursing home, hospital

9. Important documents 1.Will 2.Durable power of attorney (for finances) 3.Advance directives (living wills, durable power of attorney for health care) www.hsdaas.utah.gov/pdf/ADInstructions4.pdf

10. Family Meetings Communicate desires –Important documents –End of life care –Financial situation All together Individually Video/audio Whatever works! http://www.eldercare.com/modules.php?op=modload&nam e=CG_Resources&file=article&sid=868http://www.eldercare.com/modules.php?op=modload&nam e=CG_Resources&file=article&sid=868 http://www.eldercareteam.com/resources/articles/familymee ting.htmhttp://www.eldercareteam.com/resources/articles/familymee ting.htm

11. Healthy living Physical health Mental health –Be aware of the three D’s (Depression, delirium, and dementia) –Dementia care –www.alz.org/utah/www.alz.org/utah/ –www.alzheimers.orgwww.alzheimers.org Social health –Activity theory, disengagement theory, socioemotional selectivity theory Misc. issues –Driving (http://www.aging-parents-and-elder- care.com/Pages/Checklists/Elderly_Drivers.html)http://www.aging-parents-and-elder- care.com/Pages/Checklists/Elderly_Drivers.html –Attending church, serving in church callings

12. Paying for care Medicare, Medicaid, long-term care insurance, out of pocket expenses

13. Paying for care Medicare (www.medicare.gov)www.medicare.gov http://www.longtermcarelink.net/eldercare.h tmhttp://www.longtermcarelink.net/eldercare.h tm http://www.longtermcarelink.net/a16four_st eps_book.htmhttp://www.longtermcarelink.net/a16four_st eps_book.htm Take home message: Medicare does not pay for assisted living, and only pays a portion of nursing home care.

14. Caring for the Caregiver: Get Help Eating, Sleeping, Exercise Respite Emotional support Transitioning to and from primary caregiving http://www.acsu.buffalo.edu/~drstall/hndbk0.html http://www.aafp.org/afp/20001215/2613.html A little blurb on the book, “The 36 hour day” http://www.sleephomepages.org/books/36hourday.htm http://www.sleephomepages.org/books/36hourday.htm The Kansas Caregiver’s Guide: http://www.agingkansas.org/Publications/caregivers/cg_in dex.htm http://www.agingkansas.org/Publications/caregivers/cg_in dex.htm

15. Facing death Hospice services At the death Healing rituals (funeral, burial) Grieving (stages, yet different for all) Sorting through belongings, assets –Take time to relate memories, be fair/generous, remember that all parties are likely still grieving (be forgiving)

16. We’re the Next Generation Preparation –Physical –Relational –Financial –Spiritual