2. Movie Choice Essay Part B - Feedback PREPARATION FOR ROUGH DRAFT

3. Here’s what I noticed… Most papers simply gave a summary of the movie. Most papers did not connect to the hero’s journey. The FOCUS of your writing was the connect the events of your movie TO the hero’s journey. Some thesis statements discussed their main characters as EPIC heroes, which is incorrect. So…let’s practice.

4. Most students missed the following: Topic Sentences (TS) Topic sentence should include the overview of the entire paragraph, not just the first stage Example: “The first few stages of the hero’s journey can be seen at the beginning of Thor.” instead of “The ordinary world of Thor begins in Asguard.” Specific examples from the movie (MEx) Explanation that connected example to hero’s journey (MExp) Thesis Statement that was both: A single sentence Married the purpose for writing (understanding the hero’s journey) with the topic (your individual movie and hero)

5. Check your topic sentences… Pretend at the start of this paragraph, there is an invisible question: How will your movie show the process of the hero’s journey? Do they have the purpose for writing represented? (The hero’s journey) Is your title or hero mentioned?

6. Check your body paragraph… Did you use the ACTUAL STAGES from the hero’s journey in your writing? Did you explain how whatever you mentioned from the movie connected to the hero’s journey?

7. Let’s watch this narrated clip from Thor based on the hero’s journey…

8. Now, let’s discuss the stages!

9. How should I format the quotes? Think of the Quote Sandwich First, you have to introduce the quote. This is your top piece of bread. Second, use the quote. This is the “good stuff” in the middle of your sandwich. Third, analyze the quote. This is your bottom piece of bread. This is the detail from your outline This is the direct example from your movie This is your explanation

10. How do you use quotes an essay? Think of the parts of the sandwich! Bread on top Introduce quote Good stuff Actual Quote in the middle Commentary on quote Bread on bottom

11. How should I format the quotes? Think of the Quote Sandwich So to change a descriptive statement to a quote, I would do this: Original Sentence - In the movie, Thor’s father Odin mentions that the day will come that either Thor or his brother Loki will rule Asguard, and Thor seems to only be concerned with war part of being a king. Make sure to have a reference statement, and add any details to help the reader understand the quote. Also, add a comma before the quote, because #grammargameproper! After the quote, if you need to add information, use a comma (outside the quotation marks) and continue writing. In the movie, Thor’s father Odin mentions, “The day will come that one of you will have to defend us”, and Thor seems to only be concerned with war part of being a king.

12. From the first few slides, this is what the first part of our paragraph will look like: The first few stages of the hero’s journey can be seen at the beginning of Thor. Thor’s ordinary world is Asguard. This is where he grew up and it is all he knows. In the movie, Thor’s father Odin mentions, “The day will come that one of you will have to defend us”, and Thor seems to only be concerned with war part of being a king. This shows that Thor is unaware as a hero, because his reaction shows that he does not know what all goes into being a king.

13. Let’s look at another narrated clip… (After the kingdom has been attacked, and defeated by Frost monsters, Thor is pretty upset. NOTE: His call to adventure is the selection of the new king of Asguard, a position he has wanted since he was a child.) Thor is supposed to respond as a wise king, but instead responds as a foolish warrior. In the movie, ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________________. This is his refusal of the call, because ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________________.

14. What did you come up with? Thor is supposed to respond as a wise king, but instead responds as a foolish warrior. In the movie, ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________. This is his refusal of the call, because __________________________________ ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________.

15. Now, look at your own outline… Do you see why your part A is so important? It should have the details that you need in order to give a detailed example from your movie. Let’s correct your first body paragraph. Add in the components you’re missing for ALL of the stages that are being discussed. 10-20 minutes

16. Summarizing What is the purpose for your writing? How am I (the reader) supposed to know which stage is being discussed? Any part of the movie that is mentioned should be followed by what?

17. Correct your body paragraphs. Each paragraph should have all components included. Write this on your own paper (this is the beginning of your rough draft). I suggest you skip spaces between your lines so that if you need to edit or add, you can write above or beneath the necessary lines. During your WACC appointment, talk over your thesis statement, attention grabber, and concluding sentences. Most of the re-writing (and not just editing) is needed there.