1. Name It, Tame It An introduction to emotion coaching Deborah Stanton, Will Calver,

2. Each local authority in England must make arrangements to promote co- operation between—. (a) the authority; (b) each of the authority’s relevant partners; and. (c) such other persons or bodies as the authority consider appropriate, being persons or bodies of any nature who exercise functions or are engaged in activities in relation to children in the authority’s area. The arrangements are to be made with a view to improving the well-being of children in the authority’s area so far as relating to—. (a) physical and mental health and emotional well-being; (b) protection from harm and neglect; (c) education, training and recreation; (d) the contribution made by them to society; (e) social and economic well-being; Why are we talking about enhancing the emotional well-being of LAC and care leavers today? Children Act 2004

3. That every young person looked after by their Local Authority feels supported with their emotions That every young person looked after by their Local Authority is asked if they feel supported with their emotions (impact) That all services within a Local Authority which support LAC/Care Leavers consider training their staff to adopt emotion coaching as a new skill What do we want to achieve from emotion coaching?

4. I feel unsupported with my emotions I feel supported with my emotions and am able to name them and know that they are normal I am working on strategies to manage my emotion I use strategies to manage my emotions How will we know if we are making progress? The structure of PEPs could be slightly amended to capture a young person’s journey:

5. What is emotion coaching? A practice for supporting people to manage their emotions through communication Who can learn it? Anyone can learn to support the emotions of others, most adults do it automatically with babies Why are we targeting Looked After Children and Care Leavers with Emotion Coaching? Because 63% of young people are taken into care because of abuse, and will be experiencing strong emotions Arguably anyone removed from their parents may be experiencing separation anxiety The majority of young people taken from their parents will be feeling separation anxiety Why should colleagues in Local Authorities be supporting the emotions of learners? Because a learner experiencing strong emotions may not be able to focus upon their education. By helping them to manage their emotions you will be enhancing their achievement

6. Emotion is a complex, subjective experience accompanied by biological and behavioural changes. Emotion involves feeling, thinking, activation of the nervous system, physiological changes, and behavioural changes such as facial expressions. What is emotion…….

7. What are the objectives for emotion coaching? 1.To support staff to feel confident to identify the emotions that young people experience and enable them to label it 2.For staff to know the difference between identifying emotions and asking how they feel 3.For staff to know how they respond to young people’s emotions 4.For staff to co-regulate with young people 5.For staff to support and guide young people to manage their emotions 6.For staff to develop their own meta emotion awareness 7.For staff to support young people to develop their own meta emotion awareness For young people to self-regulate their emotions

8. Where did Emotion Coaching come from? Developed in the US by psychologist John Gottman (1997) Based on research into what parents of happy, resilient and well-adjusted young people actually do Recognises the scientific evidence that what adults do shapes and strengthens brain development in children Found that the brain is shaped by social experience and strengthened by repetition © Kate Cairns Associates

9. Emotion coaching is: helping young people to: identify their emotions; know that they are normal and create strategies to manage their emotions Emotion coaching is not: discussing the circumstances where emotions may have come from or addressing the underlying causes of emotions

10. What happens to a person’s body when they experience a strong emotion? Heart rate increase Blood pressures raises Sweating increases Adrenaline is released into the body Breathing speeds up Blood is moved away from the stomach to major muscles Legs and hands may shake in preparation for fight or flight May feel like vomiting or going to the toilet Sympathetic Nervous System is engaged Could you focus on your education in fight or flight?

11. If a child experiences regular abuse before being taken into care, what types of emotions could be triggered on a daily basis? Shame Fear Anger Mistrust Rage Afraid Panic Hate

12. Empathy Working in small groups, using the flip chart pad and pens on your table write down a meaning of empathy. In your groups, now write down an example of how empathy works in conversation

13. Understanding empathy The ability to share someone else’s feelings or experience by imagining what it would be like to be in their situation. http://dictionary.cambridge

14. Understanding empathy For Carl Rogers empathy is ‘To sense the clients personal world as if it were your own, but without ever losing the “as if” quality – this is empathy…(1957:99) Counsellors practising Empathy need to ‘get into the shoes of their client’ or ‘under their skin’ (Nelson Jones 1995: 38) in order to try and understand the clients subjective world. Hough 2008 Why is empathy important in emotion coaching?

15. Responses to Behaviour Four main styles of adult response to a young person’s behaviour: Disapproving Dismissing Laissez faire Emotion coaching Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013

16. Disapproving Style: Disapproves of negative and positive emotions Lacks empathy Discipline, reprimand or punish the behaviour Focuses on the behaviour rather than the emotions driving the behaviour May regard negative emotions as manipulation Often motivated by need to control and regain power, or to ‘toughen up the young person’ – bullying???? - Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013

17. Dismissing Style: Wants to make the young person feel better but is uncomfortable with negative emotions Views negative emotions as toxic – to be ‘got over’ quickly Thinks paying attention to such emotions makes them worse Tries to stop emotions by reducing or minimising them – making light of their significance (that’s life, you’ll be fine’) Focuses on getting rid of the emotion with logic or distraction rather than understanding the feelings - Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013

18. Disapproving and dismissing style The actual message the young person is hearing is………. ‘I cant trust my own feelings’  Leading to the young person lacking capacity to make decisions  Leading to the young person suppressing natural emotions  Can generate more negative feelings in the young person – resentment, shame, anger  The young person is not given the opportunities to experience emotions and deal with them effectively, so could grow up unprepared for life's challenges

19. Laissez Faire style The young person receives no guidance from the adult on how to manage their feelings Once the adult is in laissez faire, the behaviour will escalate Can occur when the adult is overwhelmed by the power of emotions driving the young person (adult may feel afraid, distressed or helpless) Despite the empathy of the adult, the young person experiences no safe containment of their emotions - Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013

20. Emotion Coaching style High Empathy – High Guidance Identify the emotion Acknowledge the emotion as normal Empathise with the emotion Name it, tame it! Setting limits on behaviour Builds relationships Problem solving with the young person to create strategies to

21. ACTIVITY - Response to behaviour Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013 High Empathy Low Guidance Low Empathy High Guidance

22. ACTIVITY - Response to behaviour Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013 High Empathy Low Guidance Low Empathy High Guidance Emotion coaching style Disapproving style Dismissing style Laissez-faire style

23. ACTIVITY - Response to behaviour Task- place the statements in the relevant quadrant in response to the following statement: A young person is anxious, scared of attending an apprenticeship interview Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013 High Empathy Low Guidance Low Empathy High Guidance Emotion coaching style Disapproving style Dismissing style Laissez-faire style

24. ACTIVITY - Response to behaviour Task- place the statements in the relevant quadrant in response to the following statement: A young person is anxious, scared of attending an apprenticeship interview Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013 High Empathy Low Guidance Low Empathy High Guidance Disapproving style Emotion coaching style Dismissing style Laissez-faire style Tell the young person that being anxious is being silly and they are wasting peoples time and encourage them to attend Tell the young person it will be fine, you’ve done loads of interviews, everyone gets nervous Discuss their emotions and reassure them they will be fine Encourage the young person to talk about their feelings and then implement strategies to enable them to manage their emotions Offer the young person a treat if they attend the interview Identify the feelings, validate them and discuss coping strategies

25. Response Styles ACTIVITY 1 Reflecting on the information covered so far, please reconsider the answers you gave in column A. Identify anything you would change in column B. Please complete the questionnaire sheet individually

26. Emotion coaching involves… … a practical three-step approach to dealing with behaviour in the moment Step 1 –Recognising, empathising, validating the feelings and labelling them Step 2 –Setting limits on behaviour Step 3 –Problem-solving with the young person Adapted from Kate Cairns Associates 2013

27. Activity Working in small groups, identify a range of response statements/phrases that you might use when working with young people in a highly emotional state. For example - ‘I can see that you are very angry by what has happened’

28. http://dictionary.cambridge.orghttp://dictionary.cambridge.org retrieved 27/1/2014 9.30am Hough M 2010 Counselling Skills and Theory Hodder Education UK Kate Cairns Associates 2013 www.kca.orgwww.kca.org http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm Retrieved – 17 th February 1.15pm Nelson Jones 1995 from Hough M 2010 Rudolph Schaffer and Peggy Emerson (1964) http://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html http://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html Retrieved – 31 st January 2015 14.25pm References