2. Quick Overview on Communication Miss Markowski

3. What do you know about it? 1. From where do you receive messages from the world? 2. Can you tell how a conversation is going without hearing the words? How? 3. Have you ever received a text or email and interpreted it the wrong way? Why? 4. When do you choose to Text vs Email vs have a Face to Face conversation? What are the benefits /drawbacks of each method? What are the benefits /drawbacks of each method?

4. All the ways that you send and receive messages Non-verbal (over 90%) gestures, eye contact, body language, tone of voice Verbal (8%) Words used, texts, letters 3 Basic skills needed for effective communication 1.Listening 2.Speaking 3.Body Language Communication is:

5. Tips for Listening: Listening is the MOST powerful way of showing that you care. Listening is the MOST powerful way of showing that you care. Make appropriate eye-contact Give a verbal response, ask questions to continue the conversation Don’t interrupt or make it all about YOU! Avoid the 5 communication “Filters” (see poster in class)

6. Quick Listening Game

7. 90% of communication is non-verbal! Therefore, all of these things matter: Eye contact Body Posture Location of your arms and hands Fiddling with other objects Facing someone Distance you are standing from someone Use of touch Tips for Body Language:

8. 3 Main Communication Styles: Passive: Inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings Does not stand up for self Does not defend their beliefs Will try to AVOID conflict Aggressive: Often tries to get their way by bullying or intimidation Does not consider feelings or rights of others Attacks the person not the problem Assertive: Clearly expresses thoughts and feelings without hurting others Defends thoughts and/or beliefs Respects rights and feelings of others Focuses on the problem not the person

9. Passive –Aggressive Personality Disorder – Unwillingness or inability to direct disagree or express unhappiness VERBALLY agreeing (passive) but one’s BEHAVIOR shows disagreement (aggressive) Examples: ”accidentally on purpose” and secretly sabotaging situations to get one’s way

10. Using “I Statements” Being assertive means speaking honestly, clearly, and non-blameful way: Being assertive means speaking honestly, clearly, and non-blameful way: I feel ___________ I feel ___________ when ____________ when ____________ because ____________. because ____________. I want/like _____________. I want/like _____________. Let’s practice these (see handout) Let’s practice these (see handout)

11. Best way to say NO! and still keep your friends! Think about a time when you said “Yes” but really meant “No”? Think about a time when you said “Yes” but really meant “No”? Why did you do this? Why did you do this? Best Way to SAY NO: Best Way to SAY NO: Reject the behavior/issue/problem NOT the person Reject the behavior/issue/problem NOT the person Which communication style is this? Which communication style is this?

12. Saying “No” Practice Scenarios Jenn and Kelly are best friends. Kelly’s older sister gave Kelly some of her AD/HD drugs to help her stay up late at night to get homework done. Kelly now wants to use them with Jenn so they can stay up and party longer on the weekends. Jenn thinks this is a really bad idea. Jenn and Kelly are best friends. Kelly’s older sister gave Kelly some of her AD/HD drugs to help her stay up late at night to get homework done. Kelly now wants to use them with Jenn so they can stay up and party longer on the weekends. Jenn thinks this is a really bad idea. Now, write 4 different responses from Jenn: Now, write 4 different responses from Jenn: 1. Passive 1. Passive 2. Aggressive 2. Aggressive 3. Assertive 3. Assertive 4. Passive-Aggressive 4. Passive-Aggressive

13. 6 Other Ways of Saying No! Say no thanks: Say no thanks: No, no thanks, I’m good, etc. No, no thanks, I’m good, etc. Delay:Delay: not now, maybe later/tomorrow/next year not now, maybe later/tomorrow/next year Broken Record: Broken Record: No, no, nope, no way, no how No, no, nope, no way, no how Plan B: offer an alternative Plan B: offer an alternative “Why don’t we ….” “Why don’t we ….” Avoid:Avoid: completely change the subject without saying no completely change the subject without saying no Leave the scene: Leave the scene: say no and leave right after say no and leave right after

14. 4 Toxic Ways to Communicate (in any relationship) 1. Escalation (yell/laugh/kitchen sink) 2. Invalidation (put downs/name calling) 3. Avoiding and Withdrawing (ignoring/grudges) 4. Negative Interpretation (always/never)