1. COMMUNICATION IN EVERYDAY LIFE The Conditions for Effective Communication Lecture 13c

2. COMMUNICATION EFFECTIVNESS: SKILLS ABOUT SKILLS In additon to being In additon to being MINDFUL, FLEXIBLE, METACOMMUNICATORS MINDFUL, FLEXIBLE, METACOMMUNICATORS To be truly effective we need the way we think – to shift our mindset – shift the taken-for-granted assumptions, ideas and attitudes with which we usually approach situations and other people – to the Appreciative mind set To be truly effective we need the way we think – to shift our mindset – shift the taken-for-granted assumptions, ideas and attitudes with which we usually approach situations and other people – to the Appreciative mind set

3. A Mind Set of Appreciation A mind set of appreciation involves three things A mind set of appreciation involves three things Seeking full understanding – “I appreciate your situation” requires Mindfulness – paying attention. Seeking full understanding – “I appreciate your situation” requires Mindfulness – paying attention. Valuing and honouring the other – “I appreciate you.” Valuing and honouring the other – “I appreciate you.” The third meaning of appreciate – “things appreciate in value” – we translate this as a commitment on our part to add value in the moment to increase our own and the other’s sense of worth. The third meaning of appreciate – “things appreciate in value” – we translate this as a commitment on our part to add value in the moment to increase our own and the other’s sense of worth.

4. Appreciative Mind Set and Talk And in terms of adding value to a situation – these first two aspects of the Appreciation certainly help – but, in addition, what if we also chose to see the value in every situation - see what’s working instead of focus on what’s failing. And in terms of adding value to a situation – these first two aspects of the Appreciation certainly help – but, in addition, what if we also chose to see the value in every situation - see what’s working instead of focus on what’s failing. To see the useful, desirable or positive aspects of every situation To see the useful, desirable or positive aspects of every situation To speak in ways that call these out in the other To speak in ways that call these out in the other

5. Talking Appreciatively and Effectively: The Humanistic Model of Communication The Humanistic Model of Communication

6. A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS FIVE GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES: HUMANISTIC MODEL CONSIDERS FIVE GENERAL, IDEAL QUALITIES: 1. OPENNESS BILATERAL/RECIPROCAL BILATERAL/RECIPROCAL ABILITY TO REACT HONESTLY TO MESSAGES ABILITY TO REACT HONESTLY TO MESSAGES OWNING OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS OWNING OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS 2. EMPATHY TO FEEL AND EXPERIENCE FROM OTHER’S VIEWPOINT TO FEEL AND EXPERIENCE FROM OTHER’S VIEWPOINT

7. 3. SUPPORTIVENESS: 3A. DESCRIPTION vs. JUDGMENT DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED - DON’T EVALUATE DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED - DON’T EVALUATE DESCRIBE HOW YOU FEEL - DON’T BLAME DESCRIBE HOW YOU FEEL - DON’T BLAME EXPLAIN HOW THIS RELATES TO THE OTHER PERSON EXPLAIN HOW THIS RELATES TO THE OTHER PERSON 3B. PROVISIONALISM vs. CERTAINTY HAVING, OPEN-MINDED ATTITUDE HAVING, OPEN-MINDED ATTITUDE WILLINGNESS TO HEAR OPPOSING VIEWS WILLINGNESS TO HEAR OPPOSING VIEWS A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

8. 4. POSITIVENESS : POSITIVE ATTITUDE vs. CRITICAL ATTITUDE POSITIVE ATTITUDE vs. CRITICAL ATTITUDE OPEN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT vs. SILENCE OPEN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT vs. SILENCE 5. EQUALITY: GIVE OTHER PERSON UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD vs. ACTING IN A SUPERIOR WAY GIVE OTHER PERSON UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD vs. ACTING IN A SUPERIOR WAY SHARING SPEAKING AND LISTENING - SHOWING RESPECT BY TAKING TURNS SHARING SPEAKING AND LISTENING - SHOWING RESPECT BY TAKING TURNS SOLVING PROBLEMS vs. WINNING SOLVING PROBLEMS vs. WINNING A HUMANISTIC MODEL OF INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS