1. Handling High Expectations & Regulating Through Stress Jessica Cortez, LMSW Child & Adolescent Therapist

2. ABOUT JESSICA CORTEZ  Licensed clinical social worker  Private practice  Troy  Farmington Hills  Brighton  Specializes in children & teens  Individual therapy  CBT- thinking errors  DBT- emotion regulation  Family therapy  Conflict resolution & communication

3. Addressing the Overwhelmed Tween  What does stress look like  What creates a stressed child  Learning to have healthy expectations  When is anxiety a problem vs a good trait  Tips on how to control the stress  Coping strategies for pre-teens  Q & A

4. Symptoms of Stress  Psychosomatic complaints  Stomachaches  Headaches  Avoidance/Isolation  Lack of sleep or appetite  Depressed mood  Constant fears of failures

5. Stress from the Outside World  Behavioral  Family/self expectations  Hyper-focused  Environmental  Family stressors  High stress events  Social media

6. Emotion Regulation  Identify & manage feelings in a productive way  Feelings ebb and flow  Being dysregulated creates various negative behaviors  Panic  Depression  Anger  Emotion regulation is a skill that can be practiced!  Paired with resilient mentality

7. Recent Surveys of College Students  “In 2013 the American College Health Association surveyed college students….over the past 12 months: 84.3% felt overwhelmed by all they had to do at college 51.3% overwhelming anxiety” Article: ‘Kids of Helicopter Parents are Sputtering Out’ by Julie Lythcott-Haims http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2015/07/helicopter_parenting_is_increasingly_correlated_with_college_age_depressio n.html

8. The importance of healthy expectations  A high bar for most college-bound children UofM= GPA 3.9 MSU= GPA 3.7  Identify real expectations & goals  How many mini goals are needed to reach them?  What road blocks would you expect?  Ask your child about personal goals  What are your expectations of them- Do they match?  If not, what advice or feedback can you give?  Are their ways to achieve goals?

9. Good Anxiety VS. Too Much! PRO  Alert to surroundings/themselves  Aware of what needs to be done  Heightened sense of urgency CON  Irritability  Forgetful of other responsibilities  Overwhelmed= shut-down The brain learns best when stress hormones are mildly elevated Primitive flight vs fight response activates in many settings ADHD students don’t have enough anxiety to activate or motivate

10. Key Strategies for De-Escalating Stress  Stay Calm!  Take 5 before reacting  Mad, frustrated, anxious  Scuba Breathing  5/10 breathing  lower heart rate/ blood pressure  Handling your own stressors effectively  Model your coping skills  Small praise  Sporadic rewards and praise when things are accomplished

11. Parents Encouraging Hands-Free  Allow them to problem solve for themselves  Support and give advice  Sit down and actively listen  Islands of Competency  Dr. Robert Brooks  Strengths to focus on  Firm limits  Taking breaks  Bedtime/Screen time

12. Good, Balanced Routine  Sleep  8 hours to avoid losing 1/3 of cognitive functioning  Appetite  Protein and carbs  Balanced meals & snacks  Leisure  Stress-relief!  Mandalas to meditate  Exercise to release endorphins  Activities  Extracurricular  Clubs/Groups

13. When Anxiety Sets In To de-escalate a panic-stricken teen 1. Validate feelings of anxiety 2. Remind them of self-talk statements “You’ve gotten through things before” 3. Help them find their safe spot and breathe 4. Give them space if you feel stressed or things escalate 5. Remind them to brainstorm ways to problem solve 6. If asking for your help, prompt them to make the first step 7. Support & step back!

14. Supports & Strategies Individual therapy Coping skills, distress tolerance Support at school 504 Plans Family therapy Communication/problem solving from a distance Mandalas/Workbooks Self-help options Medication SSRI

15. Q & A Don’t forget to take a copy of the Book Recommendations Visit us on Troyfamilies.com! THANK YOU!