1. Comm. in Personal Relationships
Imagine that… suddenly…….
you lose your family,
have no close friends
and no romantic partner…….
Comm. in Personal Relationships

2. Communication in Personal Relationships
What is the difference between commitment and love?
Is it healthy for relationships if partners don’t always want to be with each other?
What kinds of communication sustain long-distance friendships and romances?
Are most romantic relationships equitable for women and men?
How can couples communicate effectively about safer sex?
Comm. in Personal Relationships

3. Understanding Personal Relationships
Personal relationship: A voluntary commitment between irreplaceable individuals who are influenced by rules, relationship dialectics, and surrounding contexts.
Features of personal relationships
Uniqueness (see next slides)
Commitment
Relationship rules
Embeddedness in contexts
Relationship Dialectics
Comm. in Personal Relationships

4. Features of Personal Relationships
Uniqueness
Social relationship vs. Personal relationship
Connection defined by particular people and what they create
Commitment
A decision to remain with relationship, intention to share with the future
Passion (an intense feeling), Investment
Comm. in Personal Relationships

5. Features of Personal Relationships
Relationship Rules
Guiding communication and interaction; unspoken understanding
Constitutive rules: Meanings in various communication
Regulative rules: When and with whom specified; “shalt not” in marriage, religious groups
Comm. in Personal Relationships

6. Features of Personal Relationships
Embeddednes in contexts (social)
Surroundings influence interactions
Norms in groups, family, race
Particular others & generalized others
Approval and disapproval
Increasing cultural diversity
Comm. in Personal Relationships

7. Features of Personal Relationships
Relationship dialectics: Opposing vs. Continuous tensions
Autonomy / Connection
Wanting to be separated and connected
Novelty / Predictability
Wanting routines and novelty
Openness/ Closedness
Desires to be open and to maintain privacy
Comm. in Personal Relationships

8. Four Ways to Deal with Dialectical Tensions
Neutralization
Negotiating a balance
Separation
Favoring one and ignoring the other
Segmentation
Assigning spheres
Reframing
Redefining contradictions
Comm. in Personal Relationships

9. Evolutionary Course of Friendship (6 stages)
Usually begins with role-limited interaction
Friendly relations
Common ground and interest
Moving toward friendship
Stepping beyond social roles
Nascent friendship
Increased involvement and caring
Stabilized friendship
Shared assumption of continuity & trust
Waning friendship
Ceased being committed
see p. 232: Rules of friendship
Comm. in Personal Relationships

10. Evolutionary Course of Romantic Relationship (3 phases)
Escalating (see next slides)
Typically six stages
Navigating
Ongoing process of communication to sustain intimacy over time
Deteriorating
Intimacy weakens, dissatisfaction mounts
Comm. in Personal Relationships

11. Comm. in Personal Relationships
Escalating (6 stages)
Individuals not interacting
Invitational communication
Proximity & Similarity
Exploratory communication
Intensifying communication
Involves idealized (more than real; euphoria), personalized communication (private codes)
Comm. in Personal Relationships

12. Comm. in Personal Relationships
Escalating
Revising communication
Coming down to talk about strengths, problems, the future
Negotiation, even conflicts
Commitment
Decision to stay with a relationship permanently
Comm. in Personal Relationships

13. Comm. in Personal Relationships
Navigating
On-going process
Dynamic (not stable), working through new problems
Relationship culture: The nucleus
A private world
Rules, understandings, patterns…
Usually unspoken
Comm. in Personal Relationships

14. Deteriorating (5 phases)
Dyadic breakdown
Degeneration of relationship culture
Gender differences (p. 242)
Intrapsychic phase
Brooding about problems, thinking about alternatives; self-fulfilling prophesy happens
Dyadic phase
Not always occur, tends to involve conflict
Avoiding talking about problems
Cyclical pattern in breaking up (undergraduates in a study)
Comm. in Personal Relationships

15. Comm. in Personal Relationships
Deteriorating
Social phase
How to explain breakup
Seeking social support
Grave dressing
Burying the relationship, accepting its end
Comm. in Personal Relationships

16. Comm. in Personal Relationships
Styles of Loving (p. 240)
Eros 激情; 強烈 passionate, intense
Storge 知己; 益友 “best friends” love
Ludus 遊嬉; 挑戰 playful, manipulative
Mania 狂熱; 極端 unsettling, emotional
Agape 無我無私 selfless, devoted
Pragma 務實; 理性 goal-oriented, practical
Comm. in Personal Relationships

17. Challenges in Personal Relationship
Dealing with distance (see 246 for coping strategies)
Lack of daily communication
Unrealistic expectation for time together
Managing dual-career relationship
Lack of equity
Women with more psychological responsibilities
Avoiding violence and abuse between intimates
Violence seldom stops without intervention
Predictable cycle (p. 248)
Negotiating safer sex
HIV (AIDS) awareness
More difficult to talk about sex than to engage in it
Under influence of alcohol or drugs
Comm. in Personal Relationships

18. Comm. in Personal Relationships
一則新聞
戀愛時的大腦反應….　女想感情　男想性
Comm. in Personal Relationships