1. Leadership Communication and Connection
Written by: Larry G. Hess
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

2. INTRODUCTION
Communication is the oil that enables people to work together smoothly. It is the basis of all relationships. Without communication, there is no connection and no significant relationships.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

3. INTRODUCTION
The proper use of communication and problem solving skills will enable leaders to communicate and connect with people in a way that provides the greatest chance for positive interactions.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

4. INTRODUCTION
Ineffective communication can be destructive and cause serious emotional consequences.
The inability to manage emotions under stress and the inability to communicate effectively often produces unresolved and repetitive conflicts in local churches.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

5. INTRODUCTION
We will look at five (5) steps for leaders in communicating and connecting effectively.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

6. STEP 1 – Develop a High Level of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness reveals:
How we see ourselves
What is most important to us
How we react in distress
Our “hot buttons”
Our levels of emotional stability and spiritual maturity by exposing what we do under stress and at our worst
How others really see us
How good we are at making the right choices
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

7. STEP 1 – Develop a High Level of Self-Awareness
How can we increase our levels of self-awareness?
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

8. STEP 1 – Develop a High Level of Self-Awareness
Self -Awareness Requires Examining How We Make Appraisals
Self-awareness increases when we understand how our thoughts and beliefs influence our feelings, actions, and reactions.
Suggestions on identifying how we make appraisals
Tips for making accurate appraisals
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

9. STEP 1 – Develop a High Level of Self-Awareness
High quality self-awareness includes how we make appraisals, use our senses, manage our feelings, identify our intentions, and monitor our actions.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

10. STEP 2 – Manage Emotions
Managing emotions requires self-discipline and control over our thoughts, actions, and behavioral tendencies (weaknesses).
In order to manage our emotions and to move toward maturity in Christ, we must be renewed in our spirit, made alive in Christ, and have our minds renovated.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

11. A. Range of Emotions –From Love to Hate
STEP 2 – Manage Emotions
A. Range of Emotions –From Love to Hate
Psalm 97:10 – “Those who love the Lord hate evil.”
The extent of our hatred of evil should be determined by our love of good.
A mark of a disciplined heart is its ability to share in the emotions of others and to show loving compassion and empathy.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

12. B. Self-control or Self-discipline
STEP 2 – Manage Emotions
B. Self-control or Self-discipline
Self-discipline is the crowning fruit of the Spirit that must be cultivated and nurtured by believers.
In order to live the Christ-life, we must be totally committed to managing our emotions in the power of the Holy Spirit. Self-control achieved through the fruit of the Holy Spirit is basic to managing our emotions.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

13. Fruit of the Spirit STEP 2 – Manage Emotions
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

14. STEP 2 – Manage Emotions
“But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 1:5-8).
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

15. STEP 3 – Motivate Yourself
Self-motivation is the key to starting and completing a task.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

16. STEP 3 – Motivate Yourself
A. The New Motivations
The new motivations are personal growth, a sense of being worthwhile, and a sense of accomplishment.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

17. STEP 3 – Motivate Yourself
B. Motivated by Inner Passion
The apostle Paul was motivated by inner passion, not by great oratory or empty promises of fame. Paul’s method of motivating people can be explained in identifying three (3) simple steps:
Set forth the truth plainly.
Be direct and honest with people but do not manipulate.
See personal relationships as the basis of ministry.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

18. STEP 3 – Motivate Yourself
C. Self-Motivation Strategy
Create a positive and friendly atmosphere.
Enjoy the fact that people are uniquely different.
Stay focused on who you are, not what somebody else is.
Keep looking to the future; not just the present or the past.
Do not attempt to go beyond your capabilities or your responsibilities.
Take an honest look at your goals and primary motivations.
Guard against saying the negative things to yourself when frustrated, disappointed, or distressed.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

19. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
The foundation of any relationship is communication.
When communicating with people, wise leaders pay close attention to how we impact other’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Wise leaders have learned the skill of being sensitive and capable of quickly adjusting their communication style.
Some important communication skills are:
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

20. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
A. Self-Disclosure
Suggestions for using self-disclosure:
Acknowledge ownership of statements
Make Sense Statements
Use Interpretive Statements
Make feeling statements
Use intention statements
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

21. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
Assertiveness
Assertiveness is the ability to protect your own beliefs, opinions, rights, and desires along with demonstrating respect for the rights of others.
Assertiveness is a positive and necessary way to respect your own thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and needs in a mutually benefiting style.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

22. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
Suggestions for Assertiveness
Clarify your position with important facts
Seek to understand and acknowledge the other person’s position
Repeat your position with consistency
Defend your position with logic
Strive for a compromise that brings resolution in a mutually satisfying way
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

23. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
C. Dynamic Listening
Dynamic listening helps you get underneath the surface of what someone says to hear the feelings that are really being expressed.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

24. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
D. Criticism
The effective use of criticism requires the skillful use of every component of good communication.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

25. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
In giving criticism:
Check your motive – is it to help?
Choose the right time and place
Protect the person’s self-esteem
Emphasize improvement
Show concern
Manage your own emotions
Clearly identify problems with examples
List desired changes
Always give some positive feedback
Discuss acceptable solutions and positive benefits of change then end on a positive note
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

26. STEP 4 - Develop Effective Communication Skills
In receiving criticism
Acknowledge that you can learn from criticism
Listen carefully before saying anything
Avoid immediate defensive responses by tuning in to your emotions
Take a deep breath and go slow
Accept responsibility for your actions
Turn off listening filters
Use self-disclosure statements
Use assertiveness but remain positive and avoid defensiveness
Watch how the giver of criticism is reacting to your responses
Summarize the other person’s statements and show a willingness to change
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess

27. Conclusion
The purpose of communication is to connect in a meaningful way. We use our self-awareness, self-control, listening skills, openness, attention, and willingness to handle criticism to achieve spiritual and emotional maturity in communicating, understanding, and connecting at the deepest levels of feeling and emotion.
Copyright 2004 Larry G. Hess