1. CONFLICT RESOLUTION

2. CONFLICT Conflict – A state of disagreement or disharmony Interpersonal conflicts – Actions by one person that interfere in some way with the actions of another. Conflict resolution – Negotiations to remedy the conflict. Key Ideas:  A major step is to learn new communication tools  Become a better listener  Recognize, respect, and accept that everyone does not share the same viewpoint or perception.  Know what you want, not what you don’t want.  Try a new approach if your current one is not working.  Find areas of agreement- do not expect total conversion to your point of view.  Be willing to take the first steps; stop the 3 Cs of condemning, criticizing, and complaining.

3. CONFLICT STYLES  Teddy bear – Accommodating  Appropriate when: you really don’t care about the issue.  Inappropriate when: You are likely to harbor resentment or if this is used habitually in order to gain acceptance. (this leads to lack of self-respect and sometimes depression).  Fox- Compromising  Appropriate when: Cooperation is important but time or resources are limited.  When finding some solution, even less than the best is better than a complete stalemate.  When efforts to collaborate would seem like manipulation.  Inappropriate when: Finding the most creative solution possible is essential.  When you can’t live with the consequences.

4. STYLES CONTINUED…  Turtle – Avoiding  Appropriate when: The issue is trivial, the relationship is insignificant, or time is short and a decision is not necessary.  Inappropriate when: You care about both the issue and the relationship.  It is used habitually for most issues (leads to explosions or ‘freeze-out’).  A residue of negative feelings is likely to linger (resentment).  Others would benefit from caring confrontation.  Shark – Forcing  Appropriate when: An emergency looms.  You’re sure that you are right and being right matters more than preserving relationships.  The issue is trivial and others don’t really care what happens.  Inappropriate when: Cooperation from others is important.  Used routinely for most issues.  Self-respect of others is reduced.

5. STYLES CONTINUED…  Owl – Collaborating  Appropriate when: Time and energy are available for discussion.  The issues and relationship are both significant.  Cooperation is most important.  A creative outcome is important.  Reasonable hope exists to meet all concern.  Inappropriate when: Time is short, the issues are unimportant, you’re overloaded with ‘processing’ and/or the goals of the other person are wrong beyond doubt.  Sometimes it is perfectly okay to agree to disagree if both parties are alright with that technique.

6. MEDIATION A process in which the disputants allow a neutral third person, the mediator, to help them develop a solution to the conflict. The mediator does not take sides or impose a solution on the disputants. A mediator helps the disputants reach a solution. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p_11A9jmvU

7. TYPES OF CONFLICT Situational conflict  Brothers and sisters sharing bathrooms  Sharing clothes with a sibling  Intense but short-lived Dealt with and moved on.  Examples??  Personality Differences  One person’s habits may get on another person’s nerves. Small quirks build into major battles.  Temperament differences  Guardian Vs. Idealist vs. Artisan vs. Rationalist  Extroverts Vs. Introverts

8. TYPES OF CONFLICT Power Struggles Power - the ability to influence another person. Power struggles occur when issues are important on both sides. Parent Vs. Teenagers Control – action of directing another person’s behavior. This desire for control may get in the way of a solution.

9. OUTCOMES OF CONFLICT Constructive  People work to solve problems and reach a better understanding of each other. They are satisfied with the outcome and feel positively toward each other.  Can open up issues and lead to deeper relationships, clarification and better understanding of that person.  Focuses on the issue rather than the other person’s deficits. Destructive  People attack each other rather than the problem.  Relationships are weakened.  Direct verbal attacks on another individual.

10. HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS? Basic steps  1. Define the problem. What is the problem? Agree on what you are arguing about.  “The problem as I see it is…”  People make assumptions about what others are thinking. When there is a conflict, they assume the worst about the other’s motives.  Putting thoughts into words, calms the discussion.  2. Set limits. Don’t bring up the past.  Agree to only discuss the immediate issue.  Make an effort to keep the argument from becoming personal.

11. RESOLVING CONTINUED…  3. Negotiate  Think of possible solutions, listen to the solutions the other person presents.  The more suggestions the higher likelihood of agreement.  This should lead to a compromise that works for both of you.  4. Compromise  Means giving in on some points of disagreement and having your way on others.  You give a little to get a little!  Goal: win – win

12. RESOLVING CONTINUED…  5. Get outside help  If you cannot resolve the conflict constructively find a person who is not involved to help you settle on the argument.  A mediator can be: a teacher, parent, friend, or peer whom you feel can be objective.  6. Follow up  When you have resolved a conflict make sure the other person feels good about the solution.  Checking in with each other from time to time can prevent future conflicts from occurring.

13. LET US COMPROMISE  Places  Hershey park  Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire  Field of Screams  Meal  Hamburgers  Pizza  Salad  Tacos

14. HOW TO AVOID CONFLICT  A conflict that never develops is one that you do not have to worry about.  Do not let others bother you.  Recognize when someone is only looking for a reaction from you. Make sure the issue is worth quarreling over.  Focus on the positive.  When you focus on advantages, disadvantages can seem less bothersome.  Change the subject.  If you feel things get tense lead the conversation in a different, less emotional direction.  Watch your language.  Try not to generalize, use unspecified language or speak for others.

15. CONTINUED…  Take a personal stand against serious and especially physical conflict.  Let others know that you are not going to resort to violence.  Do not be intimidated or provoked into fighting.  Show your strength by doing what you know is right.  It takes more strength to walk away than to engage in a fight.  Walk away.  You may realize the conflict is not worth fighting about. You can be proud and show self-confidence by calmly walking away.  Some things need time to chill out before resolving.