1. The Power of Saying NO! Annabel Shilton Leadership Coach & Consultant 1 December 2015

2. ASSERTIVENESS What is it?

3. Assertiveness is about being to express yourself with confidence without have to resort to passive, aggressive or manipulative behaviour.

4. Components Self awareness Healthy self esteem Self confidence Positive thinking and self talk Good interpersonal skills Effective communication Controlling stress Choice to express yourself without the fear of being dominated, exploited or coerced against your wishes

5. ! If you are putting yourself or the other personal down in some way, your communication style is not assertive!

6. Basic Rights ?

7. How assertive are you? A-avoid or repress? B-find being assertive difficult most of the time? C-find it difficult on occasion? Dfind it easy to be assertive?

8. Flight or Flight?

9. EMOTIONAL CONTROL! Body Breathing Brain Resourceful states

10. Four cornerstones of Assertiveness Neutral tone of voice The words usedOpen body posture Good eye contact

11. IMPORTANT! Rapport/Mirroring and matching Body Language Listening skills Questioning Skills – how, what, when, where

12. Saying “NO” Agree – say “yes”Feel resentful, tired, used “I’ll feel guilty if I say NO”

13. WINDOWS ON THE WORLD I’M NOT OK YOU’RE OK I’M NOT OK YOU’RE NOT OK I’M OK YOU’RE OK I’M OK YOU’RE NOT OK Helpless Hopeless Healthy Hostile

14. DRAMA TRIANGLE Persecutor Rescuer Victim

15. We can say NO and..... I’m sorry I really can’t take on anything else at the moment I’m quite busy right now, perhaps later I'd like to help you out, but I don’t have the skills to do so I don’t need new windows – I’m happy with what I have thank you

16. .....ask for what we want! Thanks for asking – your a nice person but I don’t want to go out with you! I’d like you to give me a hug I want to talk to someone.... I’d like to leave now

17. Winning Triangle PotencyResponsive Vulnerability

18. Assertive communication Take ownership of your message Use “I” statements Be direct Tackle the problem not the person Deal with specifics not generalisations Don’t over apologise Be honest to yourself Spontaneity

19. REMEMBER..... Speak up for yourself while respecting the views of others Calmly defend your position when necessary Make your own ideas known and understood Influence without manipulating Be able to say NO when appropriate Be effective in supervising others