1. Conflict Resolution 4 Steps

2. What is Conflict? Conflict is any situation in which your concerns or desires differ from those of another person. It is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources and interference from the other in achieving their goals. (Wilmot & Hocker) Why isn’t all conflict bad? “Are people willing to tell you that you are wrong?”

3. Objective Recognize that conflict is a powerful opportunity for growth. Leaders are responsible for resolving conflict so that the workplace is more upbeat and productive. Recognize the most common causes of workplace conflict. Identify the impact of your conflict management style Practice the 4 steps to resolving workplace conflicts ?

4. Real Cost of Workplace Conflict In 2008, U.S. employees spent 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict Approximately $359 billion in paid hours (based on average hourly earnings of $17.50) The equivalent of 385 million working days

5. Conflict is Costly 25 percent of employees said that avoiding conflict led to sickness or absence from work 10 percent reported that workplace conflict led to project failure 1/3 said that conflict resulted in someone leaving the company either through firing or quitting.

6. Unresolved Conflict? Increased frustration or anxiety Strained relationships Loss of sleep Unhealthy competition between colleagues and work units Withholding information Low morale and motivation High employee turnover Violence or aggression

7. Why Is Conflict Resolution Hard? M.O. #1 Conflict Stirrer Feels challenged Energy is focused on winning Speaks to prove a point Discredits the other person M.O. #2 Conflict Avoider Doesn’t express views Avoids conflict situations by keeping quiet Pretends to agree to avoid controversy May feel anger toward self for not speaking opinion Will try to appease both sides of a controversy

8. How Conflict Affects Us Conflict stimulates a primitive fight or flight response in our bodies that gets our stress hormones racing. The more primitive part of our brains is fully engaged. Our bodies are on high alert The brain is thinking in this state that this relates more to battle than to coming up with elegant solutions.

9. How Conflict Affects Us cont. You are Right! In conflict your brain is obsessed. All it can tell you is that you are right which means the other person is wrong. You send out a message like a busy signal… YOU ARE WRONG…YOU ARE WRONG… Even if your words don’t say it your tone of voice and body language do. Of course the other person is doing the same thing. It’s not enough that you agree that you are right or wrong; you have to convince the other person.

10. Before the Resolution Process Begins The first step is to break out of the cycle of anger and defensiveness Stop talking, breathe, and start listening. In order to do this you must have confidence that in trying to understand someone else, you will be understood. You must believe that in acknowledging the other person’s needs, you can still honor your own. You must know that listening to emotions won’t fuel them, but will help subside them. You must trust that you will respect yourself more for trying to resolve the conflict, than for pushing your point of view. The first step toward truly winning feels like losing.

11. Following the Path of Emotions When you follow the path of emotions, you’re not just listening for emotions but for the needs they guard. You can’t usually get to the needs without acknowledging the emotion.

12. The Emotions of Conflict Anger and frustration are the most apparent emotions of conflict. In truth they mask another emotion-hurt, fear, helplessness or lack of control. Anger and hurt are the body guards for these other more vulnerable emotions. Acknowledging these emotions can sometimes make us feel vulnerable and the other person may not want to admit these feelings. Saying them out loud might release the other person from the emotional grip.

13. Emotions Lead You It’s worth listening to your emotions because they lead you to the source of the conflict.

14. What is the Worst that Can Possibly Happen? First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.- Dale Carnegie

15. What are the most common causes of conflicts within your organization/department? Communication Misunderstandings Different perceptions of the situation exist A lack of information Ambiguity Misinformation Different values are at stake Most Common Causes of Conflicts

16. Most Common Causes of Conflicts Cont. Interests Culture, religious beliefs, upbringing and your own personal code of morals Different values Competition

17. Most Common Causes of Conflicts Cont. Structural Ineffective processes Time constraints Inappropriate environment (e.g. lack of privacy) Dysfunction in the organization Social structures Workload

18. Most Common Causes of Conflicts Cont. Relationship Conflict can spark when there are: Unmet or unspoken expectations Hidden agendas or ulterior motives Distorted perceptions Stereotypes of others or ourselves Imbalances of power The personal history between the two (or more) parties– personality clashes Employees spend large amounts of time together- stress Depend on one another to “get the job done.” Personal issues

19. Dealing with Conflict in the Moment Let’s Start with Patience

20. 5 Conflict Management Styles Managers be aware of your style: 1.Competing- Alienates and demoralizes staff 2.Accommodating- Can undermine your authority 3.Avoiding- Frustrates staff; creates poor performance 4.Collaborating- Creates optimal solutions, empowers all 5.Compromising- Frustrates you

21. Conflict Resolution 4 Step Process 1.Exploring Issues 2.Understanding Position/Interests 3.The Other Person’s Position 4.The Context of the Issue

22. Choosing a Solution A solution that creates other problems or disagreements isn’t a good solution. Nor are you ahead if the solution is inflexible or seen to be unfair.

23. Conflict Resolution Process Recap: A few tools to help you handle and resolve Conflict. Not all conflicts are bad. Understand the emotions of conflict and how they can help you identify your barriers. We learned that there are different conflict management styles to aid you Practice the 4 steps to resolving workplace conflicts

24. Positive Spin

25. Melonya Johnson 716.874.1819 P.O. Box 732 Buffalo, NY 14207 melonya@bsmartcoaching.com www.bsmartcoaching.com Wishing you wonderful arguments!