1. EXPLORING MARRIAGES AND FAMILY, 2ND EDITION Karen Seccombe
Chapter 3
Building Relationships
Special Topic:
LGBT
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2. Relationships
Chapter 3 discusses the processes by which we develop relationships with others
Singles
Friendships
Dating/Courtship/Mate Selection
Heterosexual Cohabitation
Gay and Lesbian Intimate Relationships
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3. Acknowledging oneself as LGTB
However, lesbian, gay, transgender, or bisexual (LGTB) intimate relationships require an additional step:
Acknowledging oneself as LGTB
This is not easy because of the prejudice and discrimination that many LGTBs face
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4. Bullying
A study of over 7,500 U.S. youths between ages found that gays and lesbians were 3 times more likely than heterosexual teens to report being bullied.
“faggot” “homo” “sissy” “dyke” “queer”
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5. Bullying
Another study found that one-third of gay or lesbian youth had been threatened or injured at school in the last year alone.
Gays and lesbians hear anti-gay slurs as often as 26 times per day.
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6. Consequences
Large, population-based public health studies have found that LGTB youth (compared with non-LGBT youth):
have higher rates of major depression and anxiety
have higher rates of alcohol and drug use
have higher rates of suicide
have higher rates of homelessness
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7. Consequences are more likely to be bullied verbally or physically
are at greater risk for skipping school and dropping out
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8. For example: Suicide
Suicide is the leading cause of death among gay and lesbian youth.
LGTB youth are more than 5 times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth (22% vs. 4%).
Over 30% of all teen suicides each year are committed by LGBT youth.
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9. Supportive Communities
A recent study of 31,852 students in 11th grade in Oregon found that the risk of attempting suicide among LGBT youth was 20% lower in “supportive communities” than in nonsupportive ones.
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10. Supportive Communities
How did researchers define a “supportive community”?
many same-sex couples
the presence of gay-straight alliances in schools
school policies, such as antibullying or nondiscrimination, that protect lesbian, gay, and bisexual students
proportion of registered Democrats
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11. The “Coming Out” Continuum
Building intimate relationships with others first requires that we know and accept ourselves.
“Coming out” occurs on a continuum.
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12. The “Coming Out” Continuum
Opening Up to Yourself
Your journey is beginning.
You’re asking yourself questions.
Coming Out
You are actively talking for the first time with others about your sexual orientation or gender identity.
Living Openly
The ongoing phase after the initial conversation about your life as a LGTB person.
You are now able to tell new people that come into your life--where and when it feels appropriate to you.
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13. Deciding to Tell Others
Most people “come out” because they can’t stand hiding who they are anymore.
They want their personal relationships to be stronger, richer, more fulfilling, and authentic.
“Everyone needs to make their own decision about when to come out. For me, it’s important that people I’m close to know about this important piece of me.”
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14. The Benefits of “Coming Out”
Living an open and whole life
Developing closer, more genuine relationships
Building self-esteem from being known and loved for who you really are
Reducing the stress of hiding your identity
Connecting with others who are LGBT and joining a strong and vibrant community
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15. The Benefits of “Coming Out”
Helping to dispel myths and stereotypes about who LGTB people are and what their lives are like
Making it easier for younger LGTB people who will follow in your footsteps
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16. Reactions from Others
A person who has just had someone “come out” to them often feels:
surprised
honored
scared
uncomfortable
unsure how to react
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17. Reactions from Others supportive disbelieving angry curious
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18. The Risks of “Coming Out”
Not everyone will be understanding or accepting.
Family, friends, or co-workers may be shocked, confused, or even hostile.
Some relationships may permanently change.
Some people may experience harassment or discrimination.
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19. The Risks of “Coming Out”
Some young people, especially those under age 18, may be thrown out of their homes or lose financial support from parents.
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20. Possible Rejection by Family
About half of gay and lesbian youth report that their parents initially rejected them due to their sexual orientation.
About one-quarter of gay and lesbian youth are forced to leave home because of conflicts over their sexual orientation.
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21. Possible Rejection by Family
In a study of 194 gay and lesbian youth, one-quarter were verbally abused by parents, and nearly 10% dealt with threatened or actual violence.
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22. Living Openly on Your Terms
The journey from “coming out” to “living openly” is ongoing, and unfolds at your own pace.
Living openly is something that becomes easier with time.
Living openly allows authentic relationships.
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23. Living Openly on Your Terms
“Admitting I was gay to myself took a long time. Once I was past that step, I realized that not everyone would accept me. But it’s not about them. It’s about me, living my life as the person I really am.”
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24. Living Openly on Your Terms
“It’s those first five minutes in coming out to your friends or acquaintances that are really the hardest. But after that, things get better than before because there’s nothing standing in between you anymore.”
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25. References
Bryner, J. February 3, “Gay and Lesbian Teens Bullied More than Heterosexuals.” LiveScience. Online:
CBS News. March 30, “Bullies Target Lesbians, Gay Teens.” Online:
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26. References
Hatzenbuehler, M.L “The Social Environment and Suicide Attempts in Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth.” Pediatrics.
Human Rights Campaign A Resource Guide to Coming Out. Online:
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27. References
PFLAG “Today’s Gay Youth: The Ugly, Frightening Statistics” Online:
Ray, N Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Youth: An Epidemic of Homelessness.” New York: National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute and the National Coalition for the Home-less.
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