1. COMMUNICATION SKILLS Br. Ed Bacon, OFM Used with permission Word Made Flesh by Fran Ferder

2. Good Communication Requires: Listening Listening Respect Respect Open Mindedness Open Mindedness Compromise Compromise Trust Trust Empathy Empathy

3. Requirements for Good Communication # 1 - Listening  To pay attention.  Being attentive to what someone has to say  Making an effort to hear something  Making an effort to hear something.

4. # 2 – Respect esteem for, or a sense of worth of a person

5. being receptive to another’s ideas # 3 - Open Mindedness

6. # 4 - Compromise Agreement Agreement or Mutual concessions

7. # 5 - Trust reliance on the integrity of another

8. # 6 - Empathy Identification with understanding of another’s situation and feelings.

9. Consider the difference between:  HEARING & LISTENING  JUMPING IN AND WAITING  SYMPATHIZING AND EMPATHIZING  REPLYING & ANSWERING  THINKING & FEELING  ADVISING & HELPING  ASSUMING & ASKING

10. Try to tune in to the feelings being expressed  Hearing is concerned with context (What’s being said).  Listeners respond to the speakers feelings. HEARING & LISTENING

11. JUMPING IN AND WAITING  Don’t immediately respond  Try to take the time to absorb what’s being said

12. SYMPATHIZING AND EMPATHIZING  Feeling sorry for a person separates you from their problem.  Feeling it with them is empathy and shows compassion. Sympathy separates; empathy connects

13. REPLYING & ANSWERING  Quick responses are not caring responses.  Let your friend know you listened to them. Don’t blow anyone off

14. Consider the difference between: THINKING & FEELING   Thoughts can be judgmental.   It’s what each of you feel that connects you.

15. Consider the difference between: ADVISING & HELPING   Immediately giving advice is not helpful and often not necessary.

16. Consider the difference between: ASSUMING & ASKING  If you don’t understand what is being said, ask.  Restate, sum up and try to get it straight before you respond.

17. ATTENDING Giving physical and psychological attention to another person Giving physical and psychological attention to another person Both physical presence and verbal response matter

18. TOOLS OF ATTENDING 1. Eye Contact: Look don’t stare. 2. Good Posture: Keep a comfortable and relaxed distance. 3. Gesture: Fidgeting, crossing arms and glancing at the clock communicate impatience and disinterest. Keep focus 4. Attentive Silence: Allows time for the speaker to think and proceed at their own pace.

19. Barriers to good listening DistractionDistraction InterruptingInterrupting Giving advice/Asking too many questionsGiving advice/Asking too many questions Saying: “I know exactly how you feel.”Saying: “I know exactly how you feel.” JudgmentJudgment AssumingAssuming