1. Navigating Conflict A Skills-Based Approach

2. WHY WE’RE HERE Awareness Options Choices Control 1

3. OUR RELATIONSHIP TO CONFLICT With your tablemates, use page 2 and brainstorm reasons people avoid conflict and the possible benefits of conflict in the workplace Total time: 5 minutes 2

4. OBJECTIVES Understand the source and nature of conflict. Discover how you typically respond to conflict. Become familiar with and practice skills that enable you to effectively navigate conflict. Create a plan for applying your key learnings. 3

5. AGENDA Module 1 Anatomy of Conflict Module 2 Requirements for Navigating Conflict Module 3 Skills for Navigating Conflict 3

6. DEFINITIONS OF CONFLICT A serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one A state of disagreement and disharmony; a clash… Incompatibility or interference as of one idea, desire, event, or activity with another 4

7. CASE STUDY: WHAT HAPPENED? 5 minutes Please answer the question on page 1 of your Case Study

8. Module 1 ANATOMY OF CONFLICT

9. “Our awareness of, and response to, conflict will ultimately contribute to a productive or unproductive outcome” 6

10. TRIGGERS TO CONFLICT Unmet Expectations Values Violation 8

11. CASE STUDY: TRIGGERS TO CONFLICT 5 minutes Please answer the questions on page 2 of your Case Study

12. FIGHT REACTIONS TO CONFLICT FLIGHT Reactive behavior/decision with a Short-term focus using Only the information on hand Ignore, Avoid, Placate, Pacify Problem or issue grows and triggers… Attack, Blame, Criticize, Accuse 10

13. FIGHT REACTIONS TO CONFLICT FLIGHT Ignore, Avoid, Placate, Pacify Problem or issue grows and triggers… Attack, Blame, Criticize, Accuse Reactive behavior/decision with a Short-term focus using Only the information on hand RESULT A “band-aid” solution Breakdown in trust and respect Time lost to “fixing” Diminished willingness Reduced collaboration Decrease in efficiency 10

14. POSSIBLE OUTCOMES Win - Lose Lose - Win Lose - Lose Win - Win 11

15. CONFLICT INVENTORY 5 minutes Please complete the conflict inventory on pages 12 and 13

16. INVENTORY DEBRIEF 10 minutes SCORING KEY: A’s = response B’s = response C’s = response Review and discuss your results and insights with your table group Flight Fight Proactive 13

17. CASE STUDY: RESPONSES TO CONFLICT 5 minutes Reflect on your pattern of responses on page 3 of your Case Study.

18. MODULE 1 SUMMARY Our awareness of, and response to, conflict will ultimately contribute to a productive or unproductive outcome. Triggers to conflict are: Unmet Expectations Values Violation People respond to conflict in many ways, depending upon the situation, but lean toward one or two patterns. 14

19. Module 2 REQUIREMENTS FOR NAVIGATING CONFLICT

20. RISK TO TRUST & RESPECT EMOTIONAL INTENSITY 16

21. BRAIN RESEARCH First Priority: 17 Safety

22. HOW WE CREATE SAFTEY The ability to demonstrate: the at the time to meet the needs of the and the in the in appropriate appropriate appropriate behavior environment environment people real time 18 EImotionalntelligence

23. CASE STUDY: REQUIREMENTS FOR NAVIGATING CONFLICT 5 minutes Please answer the questions on page 4 of your Case Study

24. THE MYSTERY 19

25. THE MYSTERY The way you navigate conflict will be aided by having a mindset of: Problem solving vs. and. Inquiry vs.. 19 being right certainty winning

26. FOUR CORE TOOLS Consider Frame of Reference Listen Attentively Ask Questions Use Positive Language 20

27. CONSIDER FRAME OF REFERENCE Garbage!Garbage! Brilliant!Brilliant! 21

28. LISTEN ATTENTIVELY Do’s and Don’ts: Establish Block ( and ) Verbally comments Use open and receptive Refrain from Don’t 22 eye contact outdistractionsinternal external acknowledge body language “jumpingin” multi-task multi-task

29. ASK QUESTIONS Closed-ended questions Focus on the viewpoint of the person ASKING the question Open-ended questions Focus on the viewpoint of the person being ASKED the question 23

30. USE POSITIVE LANGUAGE Use “and” instead of “but” Swap positive language for negative language Use “I” language 24

31. Safety Emotional Intelligence Four Core Core Tools Tools EMOTIONAL INTENSITY

32. MODULE 2 SUMMARY We must feel safe physically and emotionally in order to navigate conflict. The more intense the emotion, the greater the risk to trust and respect. Using tools that demonstrate emotional intelligence helps us navigate conflict. 25

33. Module 3 SKILLS FOR NAVIGATING CONFLICT

34. Safety Emotional Intelligence Addressing a Variable Asking for Accountability Managing Internal/External Dynamics Creating Clear Expectations WIN-WIN 29

35. Safety Emotional Intelligence Addressing a Variable Asking for Accountability Managing Internal/External Dynamics Creating Clear Expectations WIN-WIN 29

36. CLEAR EXPECTATIONS Are understood Are specific and concrete Are confirmed 30

37. SKILLS PRACTICE: GIVING CLEAR EXPECTATIONS 10 minutes total Individually complete the Skills Practice preparation on the top of page 32 With a partner, take turns giving a clear expectation Debrief the activity using the instructions at the bottom of the page Switch roles and repeat practice

38. GETTING CLEAR EXPECTATIONS Partner and write possible responses on page 33 to the three Example Expectations Be prepared to discuss your answers with the class Total time: 5 minutes 33

39. Safety Emotional Intelligence Addressing a Variable Asking for Accountability Managing Internal/External Dynamics Creating Clear Expectations WIN-WIN

40. HOW TO ADDRESS A VARIABLE Start with “I” Clarify the need Gain agreement 34

41. SKILLS PRACTICE: ADDRESSING A VARIABLE 10 minutes total Complete the Skills Practice worksheet on page 36 With a partner, practice addressing this variable Debrief the activity by following the instructions at the bottom of the page Switch roles and repeat practice

42. Safety Emotional Intelligence Addressing a Variable Asking for Accountability Managing Internal/External Dynamics Creating Clear Expectations WIN-WIN

43. HOW TO ASK FOR ACCOUNTABILITY Start with “I” State the feeling you have Clarify the difference Ask for clarification Gain agreement 37

44. Clarify consequences IF the corrective plan isn’t followed. If the issue is corrected, recognize or thank them. If the issue continues, apply the consequences. Communicate using language that maintains dignity 39 ASKING FOR ACCOUNTABILITY AND CONSEQUENCES

45. SKILLS PRACTICE: ASKING FOR ACCOUNTABILITY 5 minutes to prepare, 7 minutes for each rotation Complete the Skills Practice worksheet on page 40 Divide into triads and practice asking for accountability using the instructions on page 41 Debrief by following the instructions on the bottom of the page 41 Rotate until everyone has practiced asking for accountability

46. Safety Emotional Intelligence Addressing a Variable Asking for Accountability Managing Internal/External Dynamics Creating Clear Expectations WIN-WIN

47. Is the bar the same shade of gray?

48. Seeing the “internal variables” changes the way the “external behavior” looks

49. EXTERNAL INTERNAL (Perceptions, Values, Beliefs, Emotions, Thoughts, Intentions) (Behavior, Facial Expression, Vocal Aspects, Body Language) ASSUME Boundary Violation 42

50. MANAGING INTERNAL/ EXTERNAL DYNAMICS Heightened Emotions + Assumptions About Internals = Boundary Violations 43

51. FOCUS ON BEHAVIOR BY USING LANGUAGE THAT: Is clear, specific (use examples) and objective about their behavior. Makes no assumptions about their internals. Avoids blaming when describing your internals. 43

52. Staying within Boundaries Boundary Violation EXAMPLES OF VIOLATING INTERNAL/EXTERNAL BOUNDARIES You’re productive but you don’t care about the details. Your late arrival at team meetings clearly shows your disregard for my time. Why do you care so much about what he thinks? You’re productivity is great. I need you to proof your work more carefully for typos. When you arrive late to team meetings I feel like you don’t value my time. In what way does what he thinks impact you?

53. AVOIDING BOUNDARY VIOLATION PRACTICE Partner and rewrite the three sentences on the bottom of page 43 Be prepared to discuss your answers with the class Total time: 5 minutes 43

54. STAYING WITHIN BOUNDARIES Work with your team and write improved responses on page 44 to the three scenarios Be prepared to discuss your answers with the class Total time: 5 minutes 44

55. SKILLS PRACTICE: MANAGING INTERNAL/EXTERNAL DYNAMICS 5 minutes to prepare, 12 minutes for each rotation Complete the Skills Practice worksheet on page 45 Divide into triads and practice managing internal/external dynamics using the instructions on page 46 Debrief by following the instructions on the bottom of the page (Observers use page 47 for notes) Rotate until everyone has practiced managing internal/external dynamics

56. MODULE 3 SUMMARY There are many different skills for responding to conflict in ways that contribute to a productive outcome: Creating Clear Expectations Addressing a Variable Asking for Accountability Managing Internal/External Dynamics 48

57. WRAP-UP

58. CASE STUDY: ACTION PLANNING 10 minutes Use page 5 to identify which tools would have been most useful in navigating the conflict in your Case Study

59. KEY TAKEAWAYS What are your key takeaways? How and when do you plan to incorporate these new skills? (Be specific.) Be prepared to share one example with the class. 50

60. APPENDIX Navigating Conflict Worksheet (i-ii) Self-Assessment (iii) References (iv) i-iv

61. Navigating Conflict A Skills-Based Approach THANK YOU!