1. Relationship and S.E.N. Special Education Needs

2. Individuality and Difference Usually we use this abbreviation to talk about pupils who show request for special attention, for many kinds of reasons. But according to the principle of personalization of teaching, I like thinking that each pupil is a herald of special education needs, since each human being, in his individuality and difference, needs to be guided in his own way of growth.

3. Education relationship So an educator must ask to himself: how can I understand which kind of need my pupil has? There is an only answer: relationship! It’s not enough that a teacher learns only the subject that he has to teach, he has also to be competent in education relationship. That means, for example, that if I teach English, I have to know English very well if I want to teach it, but I even have to know the little boy, the little girl who is in front of me..his world, his difficulties, his thoughts.

4. Because I must be able to touch his heart and his mind through a right relationship, which will give me the opportunity to transmit the matters, necessary for his growth. The problem is: how can I be competent in education relationship, if in my personal life, “relationship” is a problem that hurts me and I feel there’s no harmony in it, no balance? So let us talk about relationship!

5. We will start doing a group dynamic. It will be a little experience of relationship and so, later, we may theorize some ideas that can help us to grow in our becoming more competent in education relationship. Who am I? - Write 3 positive sides of you and 2 limits. - Choose somebody among you and share what you have written. - And then answer together to these questions:. What am I waiting for in Italy these days?. Which kind of fear do I have? - Then a couple of students will choose another couple, share what they have written about expectations and fears and then answer to 2 more questions:. What am I going to do?. What are others going to do? Now, one of each group has to share the most important things that they have said inside the group.

6. What can we learn from what we have done? “Who am I? Why this question? Because, before working with others, I have to know myself. I’m not able to listen to others, if I’m not able to listen to myself. When I am in relation with somebody, something happens inside me. Maybe I’m sad, or happy..maybe I feel angry: there is a relation between my feelings and the way I watch others. But: am I sure I know the others as they really are? Or maybe I’m watching them through the glasses of my feelings?

7. A wise relationship In fact, a relationship is wise when it’s able to conjugate these two words: “me” and “you”. That means: when I’m able to say “me”, I see my needs and I give me the permission to be myself. When I’m able to say “you” I see your needs and I give you the permission to be yourself. This is the foundation of respect and love.

8. All troubles come out when there is an excess of “me” or of “you”. The narcissist, for example, has an excess of “me”. If I say only “you” I’ll become dependent; if I say only “me”, I’ll become a tyrant.

9. Self-esteem and limits.. Why have I asked to write 3 positive sides of you and 2 limits? Who works in an education field must have self-esteem and must be able to accept his limits. A person without self-esteem has an inclination for criticism, because he criticizes himself. Having self-esteem doesn’t mean “be perfect”, but observing and accepting myself. The one who has a low self-esteem is concentrated on his own competences, worried about judgments of others. Recognizing a limit can be a strong point. That means that everything, even something that may seem “bad”, can bring me the opportunity to grow and to become who I really am.

10. Expectations and fears… Then we talked about expectations and fears: it stands for “life”, it talks about our own existential position. An existential position is the way how we relate with others. Basically there are 4 existential positions. The passive one: I’m not ok, you are ok. The aggressive one: I’m ok, you are not ok. The assertively one: I’m ok, you are ok. The pro-social one: I can take care of you, I can put aside my needs, for choice, for your sake.

11. Circular logic… “What am I going to do? What are you going to do?” One of the paradigms of the human communication is that in the relationship the logic is always circular: both parties have responsibility for the outcome. That means that the first question that I have to ask to myself is: “how did I contribute to the problem I’m complaining about?” In a one-sided logic, instead, we use to say: it’s my fault/ it’s your fault. For education relationship, instead, there is a difference: it is the responsibility of the educator.

12. Freedom.. It’s really hard to stay calm when somebody attacks you! Be touched by what someone tells me, by his criticism, or by his bad opinion...means that I’m really free inside myself. How can I achieve this freedom? We can start building an “observer me”. When I am able to observe, going through the appearance, I can learn a lot of things, about myself and about people around me. Let us remember the famous words of Antoine de Saint- Exupéry: “let us look with our heart, because what is essential is invisible to the eye”.

13. I can see that behind what we call “badness”, maybe there’s a wound that asks to be healed. So, if we become able to observe, maybe we can learn compassion, and we can learn the right way to realise equilibrated, harmonious and rewarding relationships. If I don’t see the hostility like an attack to me, I do not feel hurt so I’ll not feel the need to defend myself. In an education relationship, for example, it’s necessary that the educator let himself be reached by the anger of the child, or the teenager, because he must be able to hold him. (it doesn’t mean that we must not teach rules and give right information about what is right and wrong).

14. Self-knowledge The quality of a relationship helps the self- knowledge. When I am in relation with someone I have the opportunity to know something more about myself and so, to grow in evolution. When I am in relation I have the opportunity to give something of me to others. When I am in relation I have the opportunity to receive something by others. This reciprocity is a great richness!

15. “You’re an angel with only one wing, you need others to fly” ME I love myself I love, so I am I’m able to say “me” I’m able to give to myself I need wings I’m fine in my shoes I’m different from others I want to live the life that I like I’m able to assert myself I’m able to be alone without feeling powerless I listen to myself and I accept my fragility I love myself even if sometimes I make mistakes YOU I love my neighbour I love, so we are I’m able to say “you” I’m able to give to you I need roots I can put myself in others’ shoes I’m like others I want to live a life that you like I’m capable of communion I can stay with you without feeling smothered I can listen at you and I accept your fragility I love you even if sometimes you make mistakes

16. I can walk with my legs I look at myself with a smile I’m able to protect myself I can express you my emotions I can forgive myself and ask forgiveness I’m faithful to myself I am intimate to myself I enjoy my success I’m different from you I ‘m able to compete I’m able to win I know to be led by your hand I can look at you with a smile I am able to trust Your emotions can touch me I’m able to forgive and to give forgiveness I’m faithful and I belong to you I share my wounds I enjoy your success I’m not indifferent to you I ‘m able to cooperate I’m able to surrender MEYOU