1. INTIMACY AND FORMING RELATIONSHIPS

2. The Continuum of Human Relationships
Human Contacts
Acquaintances
Selected Friends
Intimate others
Proximity Friends
Significant Others/Friends

3. These prerequisites are:
Psychologists Kersten and Kersten believe that there are certain prerequisites to developing intimate relationships.
These prerequisites are:
Individual Prerequisites
Interactive factors
Situational factors

4. INDIVIDUAL PREREQUISITES
Self-concept:
Trust:
Realistic perceptions:
Equality:

5. INTERACTIVE FACTORS Interdependence Exclusivity
Other interactive factors that would increase intimacy:
Non-hurtful conflict resolution
Forgive/admit mistakes
Empathy
Companionship
Playfulness

6. SITUATIONAL FACTORS Intimacy requires time and space.
People are socialized to behave and expect behaviours that follow social norms.
Family plays a critical role in determining how people handle adult intimate relationships through:
Role Models
The Looking-glass Self. Parents may create/reinforce high or low self esteem, warm/aloof behaviour, etc.

7. Impediments to Intimacy
Low self-esteem:
try to make others feel inadequate
avoid disclosure for fear of rejection

8. L-O-V-E

9. Consider the following statements:
I love my parents
My parents love me
I loved Ashton Kutcher in that movie
I love music / flowers / that book
I love your haircut!
We are in love, yet we also fall into it. We make love, yet we talk of it growing

10. Types of Love
The Greeks had three different words for love to differentiate what we in English cannot.
Agape: A spiritual type of love, self sacrificing, non-demanding. A type of ‘motherly’ love.
Philos: Was more an earthly love, that of deep affection between close friends or siblings.
Eros: Was used to refer to love in a physical or sexual way.

11. The “Passion Cluster” FASCINATION EXCLUSIVENESS SEXUAL DESIRE
Psychologist Davis (1985)claims there are 3 characteristics which differentiate love relationships and intimate friendships.
FASCINATION
EXCLUSIVENESS
SEXUAL DESIRE
These are all higher in love relationships.
Interestingly, his studies also showed that there was a lower level of acceptance of the other’s behaviour between spouses or lovers than between friends, indicating that people tend to criticize a partner more readily than a friend.

12. The Triangular Theory of Love -By Robert Sternberg
The theory characterizes love within the context of interpersonal relationships by three different components:
Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion – Which encompasses drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation.
Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.
Intimacy
Intimacy
Passion
Commitment
Passion
Commitment

13. The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce and with the actions that produce them so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences.
Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements.
For example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.

14. The size of the triangle functions to represent the "amount" of love - the bigger the triangle the greater the love.
The shape of the triangle functions to represent the "type" of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship.

15. Sternberg feels that every relationship involves several triangles:
The ideal.
The perceived (how you think your partner sees it).
How it really is.
Satisfaction is greatest where all triangles are similar.

16. The Love Quiz…. As developed by U of T sociologist Lee (1988)
Time for:
The Love Quiz….
As developed by U of T sociologist Lee (1988)

17. The Different Styles of Love…
A: Storgic
Characterized by affectionate and loyal companionship. It grows slowly.
B: Agape
Self-less, altruistic love. Gives without expecting a return. Probably does not exist except as an abstract ideal.

18. Practical style of love requiring the partner meet certain criteria.
C: Manic
Highly emotional, often unstable love. Posessive and clingy. Preoccupation with the loved one.
D: Pragmatic
Practical style of love requiring the partner meet certain criteria.

19. E: Ludic
A playful style of love; love is a game. No commitment involved, only enjoyment and fun.
F: Erotic
Involves an image of an ideal lover. A passionate, physical love based on appearance.