1. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik1 Regional Tarbiy’yat Program MARITAL HARMONY

2. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik2 Regional Tarbiy’yat Program Tilawat (4:1-2, 4:35, 31:15-16) Program Overview Group Discussion Group Presentations/Q&A Concluding Remarks & Dua

3. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik3 I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan. I begin in the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

4. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik4 O ye people! Fear your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and created therefrom its mate, and from them twain spread many men and women; and fear Allaah, in Whose name

5. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik5 and fear Allaah, in Whose name you appeal to one another, and fear Him particularly regarding ties of relationship. Verily, Allaah watches over you. (Al-Nisa, 4:2)

6. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik6 Men are guardians over women because Allah has made some of them excel others, and because they spend of their wealth. So virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the

7. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik7 secrets of their husbands with Allah’s protection. And as for those on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds, and chastise them. Then if

8. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik8 they obey you, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is High, Great. (Al-Nisa, 4:35)

9. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik9 And We have enjoined on man concerning his parents – his mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years – ‘Give thanks to Me and to thy parents. Unto Me is the final return.’ (Luqman, 31:15)

10. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik10 ‘And if they contend with thee to make thee setup equals with Me concerning which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not, but be a kind companion to them in all worldly affairs;

11. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik11 and in spiritual matters follow the way of him who turns to Me. Then unto Me will be your return and I shall inform you of what you used to do.’ (Luqman, 31:16)

12. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik12 Regional Tarbiy’yat Program Tilawat (4:1-2, 4:35, 31:15-16) Program Overview Group Discussion Group Presentations/Q&A Concluding Remarks & Dua

13. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik13 Group Discussion Purpose of an Islamic Family R&R of Islamic Family Members Criteria/Process for Spouse Selection Dos & Don’ts for Marital Harmony Sources of Problems in the Family Islamic Ways of Problem Resolution

14. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik14 Purpose of an Islamic Family Please Allah (a sacred responsibility) Lead a pious, chaste and peaceful life Procreate per the Divine Scheme Practice of the Holy Prophet (saws) Adopt and Promote Islamic Values Exercise all God-Given faculties properly Lead a responsible and disciplined life Develop a peaceful and healthy society Develop ties of Kinship Love and Be Loved

15. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik15 Group Discussion Purpose of an Islamic Family R&R of Islamic Family Members Criteria/Process for Spouse Selection Dos & Don’ts for Marital Harmony Sources of Problems in the Family Islamic Ways of Problem Resolution

16. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik16 R&R of Family Members R&R Change over time Be a Garment for each other Spend Quality Time together Be Patient, Flexible and Helpful Love and Respect all family members Care for and Share with all family members Husband: Provider, Protector, Disciplinarian Wife: Keeper, Supporter, Care Giver, Trainer Children: Comforter (Respect, Obedience, …) Parents: Guardians, Trainers and Role Models Pray Together and Stay Together

17. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik17 Group Discussion Purpose of an Islamic Family R&R of Islamic Family Members Criteria/Process for Spouse Selection Dos & Don’ts for Marital Harmony Sources of Problems in the Family Islamic Ways of Problem Resolution

18. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik18 Criteria for Spouse Selection Believing Partners (within jama’at) Taqwa – Righteousness, Piety, Modesty, Humility, … Compatibility (Family, Values, Wealth, …) Compatibility (Religious and Moral Training) Compatibility (Age, Education, Ambitions, …) Compatibility (Physical, Health, …) Compatibility (Cultural, …) Realistic Expectations Marriageable Relatives Synergistic/Win-Win Partnership

19. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik19 Process for Spouse Selection Prayers/Istikhara (Guidance, Wisdom, Patience) Qaul-e-Sadeed – Straightforward Talk Gather Unbiased Data (Surrogates, Jama’at) Verify Data (Surrogates, Jama’at) Analyze Data (Candidates – Objectivity) Preliminary Selection (Candidates, Guardians) Interview Candidates (Candidates, Guardians) Reach Consensus (Candidates, Guardians) Final Selection (Candidates) Prayers/Istikhara (Success, Protection)

20. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik20 Group Discussion Purpose of an Islamic Family R&R of Islamic Family Members Criteria/Process for Spouse Selection Dos & Don’ts for Marital Harmony Sources of Problems in the Family Islamic Ways of Problem Resolution

21. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik21 Dos for Marital Harmony Pray together Commit for life Give than Take Love and Respect Cover and Protect Be Compassionate Be Honest and Sincere Be Kind, Fair and Just Be Patient and Tolerant Trust & Be Trustworthy Accept each other Appreciate each other Harmonize Differences Express your gratitude Be Realistic Communicate Control Anger

22. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik22 Don’ts for Marital Harmony No Cheating or Lying Avoid Negative Criticism No Abuse (Verbal, Physical or Emotional) Avoid Unnecessary Suspicion and Curiosity Avoid Manipulation Don’t Ridicule Don’t Whine Don’t be presumptuous Don’t take each other for granted Don’t Quit

23. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik23 Group Discussion Purpose of an Islamic Family R&R of Islamic Family Members Criteria/Process for Spouse Selection Dos & Don’ts for Marital Harmony Sources of Problems in the Family Islamic Ways of Problem Resolution

24. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik24 Sources of Problems Interference (Friends, Parents, In-Laws) Unrealistic Expectations / Peer Pressure Lack of Effective Communication Shortsightedness / Selfishness Ignorance / Incompatibility Ego / Temper / Jealousy Western Values Lack of Trust Suspicion Finances

25. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik25 Group Discussion Purpose of an Islamic Family R&R of Islamic Family Members Criteria/Process for Spouse Selection Dos & Don’ts for Marital Harmony Sources of Problems in the Family Islamic Ways of Problem Resolution

26. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik26 Ways of Problem Resolution Humility / Prayers Forgive and Forget Look for more than one solution Give than Take / Avoid escalation Address the problem, not the person As-Sulho Khair – Reconciliation is the Best Mutual Resolution (Individuals, Families, Friends) Engage Responsible Jama’at Elders (Arbitration) Engage Umoor-e-Aamma (Local/National) Engage Jama’at Qadha System

27. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik27 Regional Tarbiy’yat Program Tilawat (4:1-2, 4:35, 31:15-16) Program Overview Group Discussion Group Presentations/Q&A Concluding Remarks & Dua

28. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik28 Regional Tarbiy’yat Program MARITAL BLISS

29. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik29 Promote Marital Bliss Pre-Marital Upbringing (parents) Pre-Marital Training (jama’at) Pre-Marital Counseling Post Marital Counseling Post Marital Mentoring

30. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik30 Wedding Ceremonies Nikah Guidelines –Satisfy State/Local Legal Requirements –Obtain Marriage License/Certificate –Pronounce Nikah (by Missionary or Rep) Celebration Guidelines – Modesty in Ceremonies – Proper Arrangements/Setup

31. National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik31 PRACTICE Celebrate your Family TODAY Review with your Family TODAY Make an incremental improvement Donate to Maryam Marriage Fund