1. Steven Goldfarb Pint of Science Le Scandale, 21 May 2014 MY LIFE AS A PROTON

2. Me

3. My Origins

4. Family Tree

5. About My Parents

6. Childbirth

7. My Sister and I

8. Growing Up

9. I am 13.8 billion years – 0.0001s old

10. Adolescence

11. Childhood Ponderings

12. What am I made of? And what can I become? 10 -15 m proton matter 10 -14 m nucleus 10 -10 m atom 10 -9 m molecule <10 -18 m quark

13. What is my destiny?

14. How long will I live?

15. What are these forces pulling on me? (and why are they so different?) 1 0.01 0.00001 0.000000 00000000 00000001

16. It’s hard to be positive all the time!

17. My First Electron (She was only 400,000 years old!)

18. Marriage

19. Alternatives

20. Where did all my anti-friends go?

21. Early Career

22. Becoming A Star (300 million years old)

23. Caught Up In The Revolution

24. What’s holding us together?

25. Dark Matter

26. Bad Accounting

27. The Journey to Geneva

28. Milky Way

29. Solar System

30. Earth

31. Geneva

32. Dedicating My Life To Science

33. Uncle Fred, The Higgs Candidate

34. Candidate…

35. The Large Hadron Collider at CERN

36. The ATLAS Experiment

37. The CMS Experiment

38. The ALICE Experiment

39. The LHCb Experiment

40. Current Ponderings

41. My Office Will I ever get out of this bottle?

42. Will I make it to the LHC?

43. Will I collide?

44. What will I become?

45. Will I be famous?

46. Probability Odds of getting out of the bottle0.5 Odds of making it to the LHC0.1 Odds of colliding0.1 Odds of one of my quarks or gluons colliding10 -7 Odds of becoming a Higgs boson10 -9 Odds of being detected10 -3 Chance at fame?10 -22

47. Is it all worthwhile?

48. Let’s do the calculation…

49. Yes! Now, enjoy your pint!