1. Principles Applied l Absence of Scriptural Mandate to Find the “Right One” l Running From Marriage is Often a Way of Running From Ourselves l We Choose a Mate for Many Reasons

2. Marriage Vows l I promise to honor, love, cherish… in sickness & in health…’til death do us part…

3. Real Vows l I promise to be the object of projection & blame for you- to remind you of your father- to hurt you more than anyone else could- to fight- to disagree- to struggle- and to stay and work it out… so that we can become one...

4. What Did You Expect? l Helpmate l Friend l Balance or Complete l Dependency l Lover l ?

5. Expectations that Confuse Us l Love vs. Dependency l Myth of Romantic Love l Complimentary vs. Completion l Believing the “Vows” l Keeping my Old Life vs. Abandoning it for a New Life

6. Finding a Mate l Power of the Unconscious l Family of Origin Issues l Repeating Patterns

7. “Reasons for Marriage Failure” l I married the wrong person l We just drifted apart l We just don’t communicate anymore l He had an affair l All we do is fight l Her addictions

8. Real Reasons Marriages Fail l I am afraid to get close l I am in denial/defenses l I am projecting & blaming my spouse l I am depressed l I am running away from myself & God l My Shadow is getting in the way l I do not know how to “breathe” in marriage

9. Changing from a “wrong” person to a “right” marriage l Give up the idea that you find a mate like you find a car l Look at yourself: Have you abandoned your life to create a new one? l What is marriage to you? Do you need to reconsider your expectations? l How Does your “shadow” trip you up? l What family of origin issues get in the way?