1. Recognizing Harmful Relationships EQ: Why do people get into harmful relationships?

2. 10 People who Relate in Harmful Ways 1. The people pleaser 2. The enabler 3. The clinger 4. The fixer 5. The distancer 6. The controller 7. The center 8. The abuser 9. The liar 10. The promise breaker

3. The People Pleaser A person who constantly seeks the approval of others A person who constantly seeks the approval of others Will do almost anything to be liked Will do almost anything to be liked Don’t mind being walked all over Don’t mind being walked all over Lacks self confidence Lacks self confidence The people pleaser sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because he or she does not demand respect from others. The people pleaser sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because he or she does not demand respect from others.

4. The Enabler A person who supports the harmful behavior of others A person who supports the harmful behavior of others May deny another’s harmful behaviors May deny another’s harmful behaviors May make excuses for another May make excuses for another The enabler sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships when he or she does not expect other people to behave in responsible ways The enabler sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships when he or she does not expect other people to behave in responsible ways

5. The Clinger A person who is needy and dependent A person who is needy and dependent Feels empty inside and needs another to feel complete Feels empty inside and needs another to feel complete No amount of attention keeps the clinger fulfilled No amount of attention keeps the clinger fulfilled Friends of the clinger may feel suffocated Friends of the clinger may feel suffocated The clinger sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space The clinger sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space

6. The Fixer A person who tries to fix other peoples problems A person who tries to fix other peoples problems Quick to give advice Quick to give advice Avoids his/her own problems Avoids his/her own problems Will come up with all sorts of solutions for another persons problems Will come up with all sorts of solutions for another persons problems The fixer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because healthy people do not want others to solve their problems. The fixer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because healthy people do not want others to solve their problems.

7. The Distancer A person who is emotionally unavailable to others A person who is emotionally unavailable to others May have been hurt in the past May have been hurt in the past Keeps people from getting too close Keeps people from getting too close Avoids sharing feelings Avoids sharing feelings Avoids getting hurt Avoids getting hurt The distancer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not risking emotional involvement. The distancer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not risking emotional involvement.

8. The Controller A person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering A person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering Seeks power Seeks power May tell another what to do/what to wear May tell another what to do/what to wear Does not like to share “objects of his/her affection” Does not like to share “objects of his/her affection” May monopolize a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s time May monopolize a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s time The controller sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not respecting the interests or opinions of others The controller sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not respecting the interests or opinions of others

9. The Center A person who is self-centered A person who is self-centered “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” Talks your ear off about them Talks your ear off about them Only wants to do what he/she wants Only wants to do what he/she wants Uninterested in your ideas Uninterested in your ideas The center sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by being so focused on being the center of attention that the needs of others are ignored The center sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by being so focused on being the center of attention that the needs of others are ignored

10. The Abuser A person who is abusive A person who is abusive May cause others harm May cause others harm Physical, emotional or sexual Physical, emotional or sexual May go from one extreme to another May go from one extreme to another An abuser may miss the chance to have healthful relationships by threatening and harming others An abuser may miss the chance to have healthful relationships by threatening and harming others

11. The Liar A person who does not tell the truth A person who does not tell the truth May pretend to be something he/she isn’t May pretend to be something he/she isn’t The liar avoids the truth to manipulate others into the responses he or she wants The liar avoids the truth to manipulate others into the responses he or she wants The liar sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by lying to others to get the response he or she wants The liar sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by lying to others to get the response he or she wants

12. The Promise Breaker A person who is not reliable A person who is not reliable Makes plans then is a no show Makes plans then is a no show Makes plans and changes them if something better comes along Makes plans and changes them if something better comes along The promise breaker sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not keeping his or her word The promise breaker sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not keeping his or her word

13. Why do people get into harmful relationships? Why do people get into harmful relationships? Why do people get into harmful relationships? Take a few seconds and brainstorm with a partner Take a few seconds and brainstorm with a partner Two people might be involved in a harmful relationship together because: Two people might be involved in a harmful relationship together because: 1) each one of them allows the other to play out a specific profile of harmful behavior 1) each one of them allows the other to play out a specific profile of harmful behavior 2) other people who expect healthful behavior avoid relationships with them. 2) other people who expect healthful behavior avoid relationships with them.

14. How Harmful Relationships effect Health Status

15. Changing Harmful Relationships 1. Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis. 2. Recognize when you must end a harmful relationship rather than work to change it. 3. Identify changes in behavior that must occur in any existing harmful relationship if you are to continue with the relationship. 4. Talk to a parent, guardian, or other trusted adult about the changes you expect in the relationship. 5. Have a frank discussion with the other person in the relationship in which you share your concerns and expectations. 6. Set a future date when you will evaluate the relationship again.

16. Review What defines a relationship as harmful? What defines a relationship as harmful? What is the difference between a clinger and a people pleaser? What is the difference between a clinger and a people pleaser? How do a fixer and a center differ? How do a fixer and a center differ? How do promise breakers sabotage the chance to have healthful relationships? How do promise breakers sabotage the chance to have healthful relationships? What steps might you take to end or change a harmful relationship? What steps might you take to end or change a harmful relationship?