2. Resolving Conflicts Grade 7

3. Choices Two things are at stake in most conflicts: Each person’s goals The relationship itself

4. Example through a Situation You want to play a computer game, but your friend wants to work on the overdue science project

5. Three common reactions to conflicts Striking Back “I said we’re watching TV, whether you like it or not” Giving in “Okay” Breaking Off Just go home

6. Let’s look at those reactions: ActionAchieve Goal? Maintain Relationship? Strike backYes (one person) no Give inNoyes Break offNono

7. How else can we resolve conflicts? Compromise Each gives up something to gain something “We’ll play a game for an hour, then work on the project” Negotiation Both parties work together to come up with a way that both can get what is important to them “ Let’s do some of the project on the computer”

8. Game Point: Negotiation changes conflict to cooperation (Solving a problem side- by-side) ActionAchieve Goal? Maintain Relationship? Strike backYes (one person)no Give inNoyes Break offNono Compromis e Partly (each person)yes NegotiateYes (perhaps in a different way) Yes

9. Coping with ANGER plays a part in resolving conflicts ANGER: a strong feeling of displeasure mixed with an urge to fight back Anger produces physical changes in the body, such as an increased heart rate, tightened muscles, rush of blood to the head, etc. Learning to COPE WITH ANGER can help resolve conflicts

10. Techniques to COPE with ANGER The warning light Imagine a “warning light” in your head: If it is flashing, it means “slow down and think” Counting to Ten Its hard to be angry & count at the same time Self-Statements Tell yourself you are clam & in control Reframing Think again - Is yelling and hitting the right response, or is there another “picture” or “frame” that might fit better?

11. Points to remember The other person can’t read minds Speak clearly and use “I” statements Consider the other person’s point of view Put yourself in his/her place (wear his/her shoes) Respect and acknowledge the other person’s point of view Say, you may not agree, but you need to acknowledge that you hear what is being said (especially with people in authority)

12. Solving the Problem Once both sides have cooled down, use decision-making skills to turn the situation into a problem to be solved What is the problem? What are the choices? What are the consequences? What will I/we do?

13. Changing YOU and ME to WE 1. Stay Cool 2. Cool off your opponent 3. Listen to the other person 4. Stand up for yourself 5. Show respect 6. Solve the problem