1. Ms. Lewis

2.  once upon a time in a school not so very disparate from yours a young man named charlie excess led a very dull one sided life.

3.  Once upon a time, in a school not so very disparate from yours, a young man named Charlie Excess led a very dull, one-sided life.

4.  all day he attended horribly hard high school and all evening his proboscis was buried in his books

5.  All day, he attended Horribly Hard High School, and all evening he buried his proboscis in his books.

6.  and charlie was a straight A student who did naught but attend class study and sleep

7.  Charlie was a straight “A” student who did naught but attend class, study, and sleep.

8.  he never attended partys did not participate in any sports and doesn’t know any girls except suzie meretricious and he isn’t even sure what she looks like since her nose is always buried in a textbook such as The joys of boring english

9.  He never attended parties, did not participate in any sports, and did not know any girls except Suzie Meretricious. He wasn’t even sure what she looked like since her nose was always buried in a textbook such as The Joys of Boring English.

10.  while charlies parents were pleased with his grades they still found a plethora of picky things to nag and torture their only son with

11.  While Charlie’s parents were pleased with his grades, they still found a plethora of picky things with which to nag and torture their only son.

12.  wow even though charlie earned all A’s his parents pondered why he didn’t get all A+’s being good wasn’t good enough

13.  Wow! Even though Charlie earned all “A’s”, his parents pondered why he did not get all “A+’s.” Being good was not good enough.

14.  further bones of contention between charlie and his carping parents was charlies room and charlies bedtime

15.  Further “bones of contention” between Charlie and his carping parents were Charlie’s room and Charlie’s bedtime.

16.  charlie made his bed daily put his squalid clothing in the hamper and throws all the trash in the appropriate place but his parents still nagged a lot

17.  Charlie made his bed daily, put his squalid clothing in the hamper, and threw all the trash in the appropriate place, but his parents still nagged a lot.

18.  and his mom the neat freak fretted because the bedspread wasn’t tucked appropriately around the pillow she didn’t except any excuses

19.  His mom, the neat freak, fretted because he didn’t tuck the bedspread around the pillow appropriately; she did not accept any excuses.

20.  his desk was never neat enough too please his mom horror of horrors their were school books piled primly on top!

21.  His desk was never neat enough to please his mom; horror of horrors, there were school books piled primly on top!

22.  charlies dad the disciplinarian and martinet in the family complained if charlies light was on 1 minute after ten o’ clock even when charlie had a major test to study for

23.  Charlie’s dad, the disciplinarian and martinet in the family, complained if Charlie’s light was on one minute after ten o’ clock, even when Charlie had to study for a major test.

24.  charlies parents nagged him about bedtime laundry comestibles his clothes and his room in short they are never satisfied

25.  Charlie’s parents nagged him about bedtime, laundry, comestibles, his clothes, and his room; in short, they were never satisfied.

26.  and charlie abhorred it. i’m a good kid he said to himself i don’t do bad things like other kids do he muttered

27.  Charlie abhorred it. “I’m a good kid,” he said to himself. “I don’t do bad things as other kids do,” he muttered.

28.  why do they always pick on me he groused to himself as he walked to the library to study

29.  “Why do they always pick on me?” he groused to himself as he walked to the library to study.

30.  charlie as usual spent the evening setting in a very uncomfortable gray study carrel at the library

31.  Charlie, as usual, spent the evening sitting in a very uncomfortable gray study carrel at the library.

32.  it was Saturday night september 15 th 1991 in gainesville florida and no one inhabited the library except a few librarians that charlie knew by name and suzie meretricious who is ensconced in a book as usual

33.  It was Saturday night, September 15 th 1991, in Gainesville, Florida, and no one inhabited the library except a few librarians, whom charlie knew by name, and Suzie Meretricious who was ensconced in a book as usual.

34.  charlie was depressed his parents carped constantly and his teachers especially mrs longpapers his english teacher encumbered him with a redoubtable amount of work and he had no friends and he never had any fun

35.  Charlie was depressed. His parents carped constantly. His teachers, especially Mrs. Longpapers, his English teacher, encumbered him with a redoubtable amount of work. He had no friends. He never had any fun.

36.  charlie just knew that his teachers in order to pique the students got together to diabolically plan big assignments that are due on the same day

37.  Charlie just knew that his teachers, in order to pique the students, diabolically got together to plan big assignments that were due on the same day.

38.  ive grown 10 inches in the passed year and my mirror tells me that im beginning to look good despite the glasses where are the girls he ruminated

39.  “I’ve grown ten inches in the past year, and my mirror tells me that I’m beginning to look good, despite the glasses. Where are the girls?” he ruminated.

40.  hi suzie he said to the apex of suzies head

41.  “Hi, Suzie,” he said to the apex of Suzie’s head.

42.  mmph charles go away i’m studying mumbled suzie masticating the end of her pencil and lying the book equally boring math flat on the table

43.  “Mmph, Charles, go away. I’m studying,” mumbled Suzie, masticating the end of her pencil and laying the book Equally Boring Math flat on the table.

44.  I’ve had ENOUGH yelled charlie shocking all the Saturday night patrons of the athenaeum. shut up stupid whispered suzie your a crazy swine

45.  “I’ve had ENOUGH!” yelled Charlie, shocking all the Saturday-night patrons of the athenaeum.  “Shut up, stupid,” whispered Suzie. “You’re a crazy swine.”

46.  but deciding on a course of action though is arduous

47.  Deciding on a course of actions, though, was arduous.

48.  cogitating for an hour charlies foot went to sleep in the process but he finally came up with a solution

49.  Cogitating for an hour, Charlie finally came up with a solution, but his foot went to sleep in the process.

50.  basketball! thats the tickets im tall and I used to be good when I was in middle school and I like it he told himself. hush you dullard hissed suzie your perturbing me

51.  “Basketball! That’s the ticket. I’m tall. I used to be good when I was in middle school, and I like it,” he told himself.  “Hush you dullard,” hissed Suzie. “You’re perturbing me.

52.  so for the next month charlie practiced every afternoon without surcease for 3 hours

53.  For the next month, Charlie practiced every afternoon for three hours without surcease.