1. Difficult People and Situations

2. Tank What is he/she like? Abrasive, domineering What can we do to deal with him/her? Stand up to them Tactfully interrupt interruptions Avoid arguing Show your strength in a non-competitive way Use their name “I disagree, but I want to hear more”

3. Super Agreeable What is he/she like? Tries to avoid conflict by agreeing with everyone, Will bend the truth not to hurt anyone What can we do to deal with him/her? Be personal with them Surface reservations Listen to their humor Don’t let them put you off

4. Complainer What is he/she like? Inaction is due to a genuine feeling of helplessness What can we do to deal with him/her? Don’t say “I’m sorry” or offer solutions Ask questions of them to help them solve their problems themselves

5. Know-It-All Expert What is he/she like? Needs to be right Strong belief in their own reality Needs others little, if at all What can we do to deal with him/her? Recognize their expertise, Praise their knowledge and skill Ask questions to have them rethink their decisions/opinions Don’t contradict their knowledge or challenge their ideas

6. Indecisive Staller What is he/she like? Puts off making decisions In perpetual conflict: quality vs. not hurt anyone If stall, the need for decision will go away? What can we do to deal with him/her? Help them be honest Surface reservations and conflicts Help problem solve Give support for making a decision Ask for a timeline

7. Sniper What is he/she like? Shoots from cover, relies on social convention for protection Says as a defense “Can’t you take a joke?” or “You’re too sensitive!” What can we do to deal with him/her? Surface the sniper Deal with them directly in a group Appeal to the group for impressions Make them support their comments “What has … (my sense of humor, my sensitiveness) got to do with…(the budget)…?”

8. Difficult to Resolve Negotiations Atmosphere of anger, frustration, resentment. Mistrust and hostility toward other Channels of communication closed or constrained: criticize and blame other Original issues blurred, new issues, conflict personalized. Won’t make concessions Perceive great differences in positions. Miss commonality and agreement Anger and tension increase, parties locked in initial positions. Threats, lies, counter-threats Team members favor their side, minimize differences, demand conformity. Autocratic leadership, unified front

9. Negotiation Breakdowns Reduce tension and synchronize de-escalation Tension release, acknowledge feelings: active listening, separation, synchronized de-escalation Improve accuracy of communication Role reversal, imaging Controlling issues Reduce # parties, # issues, issues in concrete terms, fractionalize, depersonalize. Establish common ground Super-ordinate goals, common enemies, common expectations, manage time constraints and deadlines, reframe others’ view, build integrative framework Enhance the desirability of options to other party Yes-able, different decision, sweeten, objective criteria

10. Mismatched Models: Intentional? Other side is being difficult Everyone at times, but some invariably difficult. Ultimatums Reasonable: address it, make sensible counteroffers, engage them in joint problem solving. Or embrace it: agree to ultimatum provisionally, subject to qualifying event. Responding to dirty tricks Ignore them, call them on it, respond in kind, offer to change to more productive methods When the other has more power Protect yourself, cultivate BATNA, trip wire alert, correct the power imbalance

11. Abandoning a Committed Position (or Ultimatum) Plan a private way out, re-word to indicate conditions have changed “Given what I’ve learned from you during this, I see I am going to have to rethink my earlier position” Let the matter die silently New proposal without mentioning other one Restate the commitment in more general terms “10% discount” to “significant discount” If it is abandoned, minimize damage to self- esteem or constituent relationships Public attribution to noble or higher cause

13. Other Types of Difficult People Bullies: Verbally/physically attack, use threats, demand, attempt to intimidate, push others around Avoiders: Physically avoid or procrastinate, hide out, refuse to negotiate for fear of losing Withdrawers Emotionally withdraw, get confused, go dumb and numb or become paralyzed with fear High Rollers Attempt to shock and intimidate by making extreme demands Wad Shooters Assume an all-or- nothing, take-it-or- leave-it stance

14. What To Do With Them Get their attention Call a spade a spade Put their fears to rest Insist on playing by the rules Put the ball in their court Use the silent treatment Do the sidestep Meet the enemy head-on Refuse to be punished Ask questions Point out the consequences