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Published byTodd Hampton Modified over 9 years ago
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Thoughts from RAISING HAPPINESS written by Christine Carter, Ph.D. other sources: AUTHENTIC HAPPINESS by Martin Seligman, Ph.D.
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Consider this: The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.
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What do you think? What consumes your mind, controls your life.
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In the introduction of her book, RAISING HAPPINESS, Dr. Christine Carter states that everything in her book draws on scientific research related to happiness. Much of the research comes from the field of positive psychology.
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As a sociologist and the executive director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, Dr. Carter has spent her career in making the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of raising happy children approachable to real people.
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Dr. Carter’s premise for her book is: to foster the skills, habits, and mind-sets that will set the stage for a wide range of positive emotions in childhood and beyond. Ten steps are shared with the intent to encourage happier children and happier parents.
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STEP 1 Put on your own oxygen mask first. In other words, take care of yourself. Build a set of happiness practices, such as, enjoy your friends; take time to be quiet; exercise; spend some time outside; avoid materialism.
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STEP 2 Build a village. Our relationships with others are vital. So, teach children the skills needed to be good at making and keeping friends.
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STEP 3 Expect effort and enjoyment, not perfection. Master the art of giving growth-mindset praise which is based on the belief that “your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”
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STEP 4 Choose gratitude, forgiveness, and optimism. “Fully 40% of our happiness comes from intentional choices about what activities we pursue.” Gratitude (being thankful) is a learned skill to be practiced. Forgiveness is about choosing positive emotions over negative ones; it is not about forgetting but about letting go.
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STEP 5 Raise your child’s emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the skills children need to become better at understanding their many and changing feelings, better at identifying both positive and negative emotions, and better at using words to explain their emotions.
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STEP 6 Form happiness habits. Teach self-motivation, which is a learned skill, through empathy, reason, and noncontrolling language. Remember that growth-mind-set praise is specific and oriented toward specific effort.
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STEP 7 Teach self-discipline (or self-regulation). Establish developmentally appropriate expectations and consequences.
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STEP 8 Enjoy the present moment. Pay attention on purpose; practice being non-judgmental; notice what is happening now.
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STEP 9 Rig your child’s environment for happiness (not). It is impossible to rig the environment. However, we can choose early child care carefully and we can teach our children our value system. We can teach our children to deal appropriately with both positive and negative experiences.
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STEP 10 Eat dinner together. There are so many things that children learn around the dinner table with parents and others: healthy eating, manners, appropriate social skills, language development, conversation skills, acts of gratitude, and the list could go on and on.
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Conclusion RAISING HAPPINESS is in the business of teaching children the skills they need to be kind and compassionate, confident and emotionally intelligent, socially connected and loving.
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