1. Enriching Intimate Relationships
Chapter 9
Communication:
Enriching Intimate Relationships 1

2. Types of Communication
Verbal Communication
Nonverbal Communication
Communication has a direct effect on the psychosocial /psychosexual realm of sexuality. 2

3. Verbal Communication 3

4. Nonverbal Communication
Emotional Communication
Relational Messages
Nonrelational Messages
Decoding 4

5. Nonverbal Communication and Sexual Orientation
Four types of nonverbal communications that occur between couples:
Self-touch
Body posture
Body orientation
Eye gaze
Observed differences between heterosexual and homosexual couples. 5

6. Communication Between Men and Women
Research by Deborah Tannen
Message
Metamessage
Trouble talk
Men’s Communication: Offering Advice
Women’s Communication: Connecting With Others
And Here Lies the Problem 6

7. Underlying Communication Contexts7

8. Poor Listening The Faker The Interrupter The Intellectual Listener
The Self-Conscious Listener
The Judge and Jury Listener 8

9. Intimacy: Enriching Your Relationship and Sexual Bond
Fulfilling Psychological Needs
Intimacy
Social integration
The need to nurture and be nurtured
The need for assistance
It reassures us we have worth and that we are wanted, needed, and loved. 9

10. The Role of Intimacy in Relationships
A Three-prong Process:
Disclosing things that are personal and private to ourselves;
Experiencing positive feelings about ourselves and the other person(s) involved in the relationship; and
Having interpersonal interactions that serve to advance or reflect partners’ understanding of each other. 10

11. Characteristics of intimacy
How couples manage conflict
How they express affection and share feelings and emotions
The degree to which the relationship is valued
Whether a couple communicates sexual needs and wants and if those needs are met
If each member of the couple has maintained an individual identity
How each partner relates to the other
The amount both members of the couple share personal thoughts and feelings, and
The degree of autonomy from families of origin 11

12. Fear of Intimacy
Intimacy requires we unmask ourselves and become vulnerable.
Fear sets up barriers to becoming truly intimate.
Most of what goes wrong in an intimate relationship comes from fear.
We bring these fears into our relationships from our family experiences. 12

13. Attachment: An Emotional Bond
John Bowby—Attachment Theory
Mary Ainsworth’s Research—Impact of Early Attachment on Later Relationships
Hazen and Shaver’s Research—Attachment Types in Adulthood:
Secure attachment types
Avoidant attachment types
Anxious/ambivalent attachment types 13

14. Sexual Communication Self-disclosure Sexual Self-disclosure
Emotional safety
Sexual Self-disclosure
Sexual assertiveness
Sexual Conflict and Discrepancies
General conflict
Content-specific conflict
Partner discrepancies 14

15. Sex Talk: Communicating Differently Over Time
Sexual Communication in the Early Stages of a Relationship
Cognitive valance theory
Is He Flirting?
Sexual Communication in Established Relationships
Expressive communication
Receptive communication 15

16. Sexual Life Education
Concluding Points 16