2. The Art of Conflict developing the conflict artist within With special thanks to: Dr. Michael Leeds, PhD. & Brock Wallace, Western Oregon University & Neighbor to Neighbor Mediation of Salem

3. Categories of Conflict Relational Authority Group

4. Part One Self Awareness

5. Worksheet One Your Personal Conflict

6. Common Approaches Denial Seek Authority Give in Fight Passive-Aggressive Confront and problem solve

7. Worksheet Two Your approaches to conflict

8. The Meaning of Confrontation To come face to face with; stand in front of To face with hostility; oppose defiantly To bring close together for comparison or examination. Compare Old French confronter, from Medieval Latin confrontare, to have a common border: Latin com-, together + frons, forehead.

9. Emotions, Thoughts, Feelings How do you react?

10. Worksheet Three In the Heat of Battle

11. Part Two Goals and People

12. Goals of a Confrontation Enhance professional credibility Enhance relationships Be what you represent – (coworker, supervisor, teacher, disciplinarian) Decrease stress, yours and theirs Generate voluntary compliance or generate a compromise to maintain relationship. Focus on what you can control

13. Frame of Mind - Preparation One hour of thoughtful solitude may nerve the heart for days of conflict - girding up its armor to meet the most insidious foe. Percival

14. Part Three Skills for Personal and Professional Conflict Resolution

15. Methodologies Personal/Relationship Method Authority/Discipline Method

16. Personal/Relationship Track

17. STOP! And Get Control State something positive Communicate how you are reacting and what you need Validate and acknowledge the other person

18. Take Time To figure out how you’re feeling To agree on a new time to talk To choose a different location – Neutral – Free of distractions – Private

19. Think & Strategize What is my specific concern? How is it affecting me? What are my suspicions of the other person? – Are they realistic? What do they suspect of me? What would make this better for me? What is my bottom line?

20. Worksheet Four Why is This Important to Me?

21. Communicate for Personal Effectiveness Communicate the problem “selfishly” – Say “I” rather than “you” Describe your feelings Describe your needs But don’t worry about “facts” – Express hope and intentions – LISTEN WELL

22. LISTEN Validate – – “I can really understand why you felt put upon when I did that. That makes sense to me.” Empathize – – “You feel taken advantage of because when your work load piles up.” Clarify – – How did you see this situation? Summarize

23. ATTRIBUTING THE BEST MOTIVE To be listened to is, generally speaking, a nearly unique experience for most people. It is enormously stimulating. It is small wonder that people who have been demanding all their lives to be heard so often fall speechless when confronted with one who gravely agrees to lend an ear. Man clamors for the freedom to express himself and for knowing that he counts. But once offered these conditions, he becomes frightened. Robert C. Murphy

24. Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. William Ellery Channing